


Fanstastic Bastards in Monroeville (Frerard)

by asotmGee



Category: Escape the Fate, Fall Out Boy, Get Scared (Band), Mindless Self Indulgence, Motionless in White (Band), My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco, Sleeping With Sirens
Genre: Anal Sex, Anorexia, Body Dysphoria, Depression, First Time Blow Jobs, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Institutions, Schizophrenia, Secret Relationship, Self-Harm, Smut, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-01
Updated: 2018-04-18
Packaged: 2019-03-12 05:07:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 14
Words: 43,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13540320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asotmGee/pseuds/asotmGee
Summary: After a failed suicide attempt, Gerard gets admitted to Monroeville Psychiatric Hospital, where he’s to be treated for his depression and anorexia nervosa. In the hospital, he meets Frank Iero, a man with a sick mind, but a big heart...and so much more. Can Gerard help Frank, as well as himself, or are they both a lost cause?WARNING: THIS FIC CONTAINS MATERIAL SOME READERS MAY FIND UPSETTING. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.





	1. Prologue

“Goodbye, Gerard,”  
Those were the last words she ever uttered to me, sending them to me on my cell phone that’s now trashed, as well as my whole room. That’s it. She’s gone. Lindsey left me forever. She’s shattered all my dreams like the broken glass mirror I’m standing in front of right now, looking at a distorted version of my ugly, despicable, and fat face that’s stained with tears. I begged her to come back. I did everything in my power to tell her that I’d try harder. I promised her I wouldn't take those fucking pills my parents make me take, and that I’d eat healthier for her, but none of that changed her mind. She’s given up on me. In the past, she’s pleaded with me to not take those “antidepressants that make make you fat”, and to not eat anything so I wouldn’t end up getting chubbier, but I just couldn’t obey her. I had to take those pills, not only because of all the pressure I was given from my parents, brother, and psychiatrist, but also because it’s occurred to me that if I don’t take them, I feel like complete shit. I need those fatty pills. I need those pills to help motivate me to take on the day and to make the feelings of self-loathing and inner agony go away, and Lindsey fucking hated them. She hated them because one of the side effects is that it causes weight gain, and they also...supposedly “changed” me, according to her. It’s hard to explain how. But what’s the point of all that now? It’s all over. She’s gone, and I’m left all alone with my worthless self.  
I screamed at the top of my lungs, banging my hand into the shattered mirror. I winced in pain a bit, feeling the pain of the broken shards lodged into my skin, blood seeping from the wounds and running down my hand. I watched as it splattered the bathroom sink, the red crimson colliding against white marble. I smiled sadly a bit, knowing that if Lindsey were still here, she’d be happy to see this. She always loved the sight of my blood. She fucking craved it. She always told me to cut for her if I really loved her, and of course, I did, and she did the same. We shared each other’s blood, indulging in it. I never knew what it was about my blood that exactly pleased her. The way it tasted? The way it looked? I guess I’ll never know. It doesn’t really matter, though. She’s gone, so what’s the point?  
Not bothering to clean up the blood running down my arm and staining my shirt, I fell to the floor, covering my dumb and weeping face with my hands, getting more fucking blood all over myself. I’ve never been one to cry all that much, but for the life of me, I just can’t stop. I don’t think I’ve ever cried like this in my entire life. Not once have I bawled and sobbed this fucking hard. I never cried a single tear when my parents divorced, or when my grandma died. I was numb to it all. Not this, though. I’m far from numb. I’m fucking hurting, and I hate it. I just want it to all stop. I want it to all go away…  
I wanna fucking die.  
Lindsey was everything to me. She was the light in my darkness, as cheesy and emo as it sounds. She was the only thing I was happy to wake up seeing, and now it’s all gone. I fucking loved her, to put it lightly. I tried to be perfect for her. I tried to stay skinny for her, despite everyone telling me I’m already as thin as a twig. I bled for her, despite all the scars on my arms and legs that hurt like a son of a bitch, as well as the scrutiny I faced for my wounds. None of that was good enough for her, though. She left me forever. I am not good enough; I never will be for anyone.  
Nobody’s home. Mikey’s at a friend’s house, and my parents...well, I don’t know. They’re rarely ever home. It doesn't matter where they’re at. None of it will matter when I’m finally fucking dead. Wouldn’t that be a surprise for them to come home to, to see their pathetic son dead in his trashed basement, his corpse lying among the debris all over the fucking place? I’m sure it will be. Maybe that’ll help them finally realize that they shouldn’t have had me at all, and that they raised a fucking failure. I know they’ll miss me, as well as my little brother Mikey. I know they’ll all hate me for ending my own life, but it won’t matter to me. I’ll be dead!  
Getting my fat ass up off the floor, I reached up into the medicine cabinet and pulled out an orange bottle full of my fatty happy pills, otherwise known as Prozac, with 20 milligrams per dose. The bottle is full of them, the pills rattling in my now shaking hands. I’ve never been fond of swallowing pills since they make me gag like a motherfucker, but what does it matter? I’ll be dead soon. I don’t know how to tie a noose, so I can’t hang myself. Mikey borrowed my car to go to his friend’s house, leaving carbon monoxide poisoning in the car garage out of the question. I don’t have any razors to slit my wrists in the tub, and there’s no railroad tracks near my house to get hit by a freight train and splatter my guts all over the place. This is the only way out. I just hope it’ll be fast. I can’t stand to live another minute without her, and I wanna die now.  
I opened up the pill bottle and got myself a glass of water, pouring all the small white pills into the palm of my hand. This is it. Death is right in front of me...and I can’t stop shaking. My whole life is soon to end, and it’s so close that I can already taste the bitter pills in my mouth. I shut my eyes, opening up my mouth wide and pouring the pills inside of me, already starting to gag from the unpleasant taste. I immediately gulped down some water with it, feeling the medication run down my esophagus and to my stomach. I gagged some more, feeling bile build up inside me, my body rejecting what the hell I just fed it. Holding it in, I drank more water to keep it all down. I want this to work, and I don’t care how it makes me feel. It doesn’t matter how I feel when I’m dying, anyway…  
I suddenly fell back down to the floor, my head spinning as I heaved up some of the medication I force-fed myself. I all of a sudden can’t move. I can’t get up off the floor. My heart in my chest is pounding, trying it’s damndest to keep me alive. I can’t breathe, either. I am gasping for air as I laid there, feeling the effects of the drug-induced suicide that’s soon to end me. I guess it really worked. I am slipping away on this bathroom floor. It really is working...and I’m smiling, despite the puke that’s running from my mouth and staining my shirt and red hair. I shut my eyes, welcoming my imminent death with open arms. I’ll no longer be alone. I’ll no longer walk this earth with my sad excuse of an existence. I’ll no longer wake up alone without her. It’s now time to say goodbye.  
Goodbye, mom and dad.  
Goodbye, Mikey.  
Goodbye, Lindsey….


	2. One

“We’re almost there,” an EMT told me a little too happily as he drove me in an ambulance, my body strapped down in a gurney. I didn’t say a fucking word. I haven’t said anything since I tried to end my own life, and failed miserably. Mikey came home and found me on the floor...and saved my goddamn life against my wishes, the bastard. Now I’m here in the back of this fucking ambulance coming from the hospital, taking me to a fucking loony bin. This is what my failure to kill myself resulted in, and now more than ever, I wanna fucking die. Not only am I without Lindsey, but I’m also to be taken to a place for psychopaths, where I’ll be locked away for god knows how long. Thanks, Mikey.  
I can barely remember anything since I tried to kill myself. I don’t remember being resuscitated back to life, or rushed to the hospital. In fact, my whole stay at the hospital was nothing but a blur to me. I remember seeing Mikey and my parents, but that’s all. I don’t remember how they were when they saw me in my hospital room. I don’t remember what I ate, or if I even ate anything at all. I hope I didn’t, I thought. Eating makes you fat, and that’s the last thing I need to be, more than I already am. I don’t remember talking to a psychiatrist, or if I even spoke at all. But here I am, being sent to a psychiatric hospital by a shrink’s orders, and against mine. I cursed inside my mind, cursing out Mikey’s name for fucking saving me when I didn’t want any of that. Why did he have to save me? Why did he have to call 911 to have the goddamn EMTs resuscitate me? Why did he care? I’m nobody special. I’m just a fat, pathetic excuse of a human being with a weight problem and a girlfriend who left him forever because of it.  
“We’re here!” the EMT sang in that stupid childish voice he’s spoken to me this whole time throughout the ride. I wish he would just shut up. He knows I’m not gonna talk, and never have since that day I almost died. “Let’s get you outta here, okay?”  
Shut. The. Fuck. Up. Please.  
The EMT got out from the ambulance once he parked and opened up the back door with his partner of work, and pulled my body on the gurney out. As they wheeled me out, I looked around, finding myself in a parking lot near a brick building surrounded by neatly-kempt plantation, all the windows barred and blocking the outside world I’m soon to be hidden from. I looked over to the large sign near the building, reading it--  
Monroeville Psychiatric Hospital, established 1895.  
So that’s the name of the place, huh? This is the name of the place I’m gonna be stuck in with a bunch of schizos and addicts? That’s just fucking dandy. Oh boy, I can hardly wait! I sighed deeply as the EMTs wheeled me in through the front doors and into a large white lobby, with a lady at the front desk who looks like she’s been waiting for my arrival, paperwork in her hand.  
“This is the new admission?” she asked the EMTs, pointing a manicured finger to me.  
“Why yes, it is,” the EMT with the overly-happy voice replied with possibly the fakest smile I’ve ever seen on anyone. The lady at the desk smiled as well, her’s just as faux and empty.  
“Welcome, Mr. Way. We’ll take you upstairs,” she said, handing the EMTs the paperwork and guiding them to the elevator. I wanna punch their faces clean of those shit-eating grins. I hate smiling. The lady and EMTs took me up to the fifth floor, where I was greeted by a hallway leading to a locked room with a buzzer next to it. The lady pressed the button and spoke into the box, announcing my arrival to the other person beyond the door. We waited a few minutes before the door opened, revealing the hell I’m soon to be dumped into, with another lady standing in the doorway. She looks pretty young, like somewhere in her mid to late twenties. She also appears to be a nurse here or something, seeing the white scrubs she’s wearing, contrasting against her red-orange hair. She welcomed us in, the EMTs wheeling me inside and lowering the gurney before they released me from it and left. The door behind me closed shut, forever entrapping me in this godforsaken place. Released from the gurney I’ve been strapped up in, I stretched a bit, looking around my new “home”. Everything is white. Too white. Not just the walls and the scrubs of the nurses, but also the gowns of the wandering patients, as well as the furniture. It’s a white that stings my eyes, making me squint in pain. This place is a white hell. Now I have a good enough reason to hate white.  
“Welcome, Mr. Way,” the lady smiled. “My name’s Hayley. I’m one of the nurses here. We’ll get you settled in soon. Let’s first take you to your room, shall we?” she said, offering her hand to me to follow her. Unsure what to do with it, I just stood there. Does she really want me to hold her hand like a fucking child? Who the hell does she think she is?  
“Come on, let’s go,” She laughed a bit, despite the annoyance in her voice, taking me by my wrist and nudging me to follow her down the hall. Having no choice, I did just that, silently walking with her with her hand firmly wrapped around mine...just like a little kid. As we walked down the tiled hall together, I kept my eyes down, feeling all the eyes of bypassing patients on me.  
“This here is the day room,” Hayley said, pointing to a room with windows and couches, as well as a television and a bookshelf full of board games and books that look like they haven’t been touched in ages. “We have our daily activities such as group therapy here. It’s also where you can spend some free time, like watching T.V or playing a board game with fellow patients, whatever you like,”  
I looked inside, finding a bunch of patients in there staring right back at me. There’s a couple of them on one of the sofas, one with short brown hair who looked like he done a good deal of crying, and right beside him is another man with a rat’s nest of black hair, laughing when his eyes came to mine. There’s also a couple of other patients at a table, one with an afro of brown hair and another with short blonde hair and some stubble on his chin, the both of them looking like they’re playing some card game. The afro guy smiled and waved at me, while the blonde man cringed in disgust and looked back down at the cards in his hands.  
“Hi, Ray!” Hayley sang, waving back and smiling. She turned to me as we walked further down the hall. “That guy there is Ray. He’s a really friendly guy. I’m sure he’ll do good in helping you get acquainted with this place,”  
No thanks, Hayley. I’d rather not. I’d like to be out of this place, thank you very much.  
“Here’s the dining room,” Hayley said, pointing out to a large room with a series of tables, as well a kitchen near it where the food’s served. A couple other patients sat at the tables, eating what appears to be soup. They both looked up at us and stared blankly, then back to their soup. When we passed the dining room, we then eventually turned the corner, with Hayley leading me to a door with the numbers 527 beside it on a little sign. “And here’s your room, Mr. Way. You can go ahead and take a look inside, okay?”  
I nodded, kinda curious where I will be sleeping. I opened up the door and peeked inside, finding a single bed near a barred window and a series of rounded shelves up on the wall opposite of the bed, as well as a bedside table and a nightstand. Everything is, of course, fucking white, much to my dismay. Whoopie.  
“Well, now that we’ve showed you around a bit, let’s go to group, shall we?” Hayley asked, taking my hand again and nearly dragging me with her without protest. Of course I gotta go to group. Just what I wanted to fucking do as soon as I get dumped into this place. I didn’t even get to step inside my room and look around a bit. Now I have to be in a circle full of chairs with some of the weirdos I just met. Oh boy, how exciting…  
Hayley lead me back into the day room, where everyone sat either on the sofas, pull-out chairs, or on the floor in a big circle. Beside them in a chair sat another lady with her legs crossed, who stood up and smiled. She also looks pretty young, her face made up and her blonde hair up in a bun.  
“Hello there, Gerard. I’m Dr. Haycraft, and I’m the coordinator of group therapy,” she said, holding out her hand to me, which I just stared at blankly. Realizing that I’m not gonna shake her (probably) filthy hand, she took it back, smiling awkwardly as she turned to the patients all sitting in a circle around us. “Everyone, this is Gerard, a new patient. I want you all to welcome him,”  
“Hello, Gerard,” a group of patients spoke, sounding anything but thrilled. Dr. Haycraft showed me to an empty pull-out chair right beside the crying brown-haired boy from earlier, who looked up at me with raw tears. I sat down, keeping my eyes away from him, as well as everyone else. Dr. Haycraft smiled again up at the group, making me grit my teeth in frustration with the amount of fake smiles in this godforsaken place.  
“Gerard,” she turned to me. “Why don’t we all start off by you introducing yourself, hmm?”  
No. I can’t. What the hell can I even say? I haven't spoken in so long, and I still refuse to utter a single word. It’s like ever since I tried to end myself, a mute button was pressed on me, silencing me, and I want it to stay like that. I shook my head and looked down, hoping that Dr. Haycraft doesn’t try to jerk anything outta me, the bitch.  
“Gerard, are you sure you don’t wanna say anything?” she asked, leaning in closer to me with those big blue eyes of her’s. Yes. Yes, I am fucking sure I don’t wanna talk. Can you stop looking at me so stupidly and leave me alone? Please? Is that too much to ask for? I shook my head again, hoping that she can take the hint. When I did, she sighed, pulling out her notebook and jotting down some notes, probably about how much of a stubborn son of a gun I am. I could only wonder what she’s writing about me…  
“Alright, Brendon. How about you?” Dr. Haycraft asked, her eyes up at the crying guy next to me. He nodded, wiping at his eyes.  
“Well...what should I say?” Brendon asked, sniffling.  
“Just introduce yourself, Brendon. You know how it goes,” Dr. Haycraft grinned. “Say your name, how you feel on a scale of one to ten, one being the worst feeling you’ve ever been, and ten being the best, and why you feel that way, your goal for today, and why you’re here,”  
“Well…,” Brendon sighed. “My name is Brendon Urie. On a scale of one to ten...I’m a one, but...I’d rather not explain why. My goal today is…,” he paused, thinking a bit. “My goal for today is to read. I’m here, because...because…,”  
Brendon covered his face and wept, his sobs loud and muffled. Dr. Haycraft frowned, handing him a box of tissues. What was this guy so sad about? Had he cried all day? It looks like he has...but what for? He reminds me of something that happened to me--the day I cried so hard, the day I tried to kill myself. I cried so hard just like he did, something I’ve never done before. I cried so hard because I lost her, but what’s this guy’s purpose of weeping?  
“You’re here because you’re a big fucking crybaby, Brendon!” another patient across from him sneered, the one with the messy rat’s nest of hair that laughed at me.  
“Jimmy, that was very rude!” Dr. Haycraft yelled, making Brendon succumb further into his sobs. “You apologize right now!”  
“I’d rather not,” he laughed, sitting up from his seat and storming straight out of the room. Dr. Haycraft sighed deeply, scribbling down more notes. As she did, I looked up and noticed the empty seat next to Jimmy’s--a young man, all curled up in his seat, muttering under his breath as he looked down at the floor, his long black hair obscuring his face. He started to do this after the conflict between Jimmy and Brendon broke out...but why? Knowing the kind of place I’m in, full of sick people, there could be a million reasons why...but there’s also a million reasons why I can’t stop looking at him. It’s not because of his strange behavior, but something else. He looks...beautiful, for a guy. His hazel eyes are like forest orbs that graciously contrast against his pale skin and black hair. He has a face I can easily paint. He’s got that kind of pretty and young face, and I can’t stop staring at it. How could someone so young and so beautiful be stuck in a place so ugly? How someone so precious and youthful be so sick? It’s beyond me. I need to know who this guy is. I need to know his name, as well as why he’s here in this hell hole.  
“Ray? How about you?” Dr. Haycraft asked, turning to the afro boy sitting next to Brendon. He smiled a bit.  
“I’m Ray Toro. On a scale of one to ten, I’m a seven. My goal for today is to meditate, and I’m here because…I have generalized anxiety disorder and depression, and I’m here to get better,”  
“Wonderful, Ray,” Dr. Haycraft smiled for the thirtieth time. After a few more patients introduced themselves, the group eventually got to the black-haired boy, all eyes on him.  
“Come on, Frank!” Ray cheered on. “You got this,”  
Ah...so that’s his name, huh? I like it...a lot.  
Frank squirmed in his seat a bit, looking down at his feet. His lips quivered, his eyes darting back and forth all over the room, like he’s on something...or he’s scared, but of what? He then shut his eyes and sighed deeply, then opened them back up, those hazel orbs of his revealing themselves to me. I never wanna look away from them, or him either. He’s got such beautiful eyes I could stare at for hours on end, just like her…  
“I’m Frank Iero,” he started, his young voice sending chills down my spine. “On a scale of one to ten, I’m a five. My goal for today is to talk to my daddy,” he smiled briefly, those eyes of his brightening up at the mentioning of his father. “And I’m here because…,”  
The light behind Frank’s eyes vanished instantly, as well as the smile on his face. It’s like someone just slapped him clean across the face. His face contorted to a look of utter discontent within seconds flat, his eyes flickering with inner rage.  
“I’m here because my mom wants me here. She says I’m sick...but I think she’s a fucking liar,” he growled. He curled up tighter into his seat, sitting in fetal position as he rocked back and forth and cursed under his breath.  
Oh no...this boy looks really, really sick. There’s probably a good reason his mother sent him here--to get help. But what do I know about him? I could be wrong, though. Maybe his mother really did throw him in here for very shallow reasons. I know for a fact I don’t belong here. I belong to be six feet under. That’s what I want. Who would want to be stuck here anyway? Not me, and I don’t blame Frank for thinking the same thing.  
“You do know you’re here to get better, right?” Dr. Haycraft asked. “You’re here because you need help--”  
“Bullshit!” Frank spat. “I was put in here against my will! I don’t need help, and you know it! I’m fine! You can go ahead and write notes in your notebook about how sick I am, but none of it is true!”  
Dr. Haycraft shook her head remorsefully, doing just that--flipping through some pages in her notebook and writing down more notes about the stubborn patient in front of her. As she did, I found myself looking back at Frank yet again. I’ve never seen anyone with such beautiful eyes, I swear...or even a beautiful face; not since I’ve met Lindsey. She’d be jealous if she saw him, I think. There’d be some fierce competition going on, indeed. It’s those eyes of his that really bring the beauty out. It’s like his eyes are the doors to a world of his very own, and he’s welcoming me in. I still have yet to explore just what is inside of them.

_ _ _  
After dinner and some free time, as well as our second session of group therapy, we were sent to bed at ten o'clock sharp. I spent the last god knows how many hours staring up at the ceiling. For the life of me, I just can’t sleep. I don’t know how long it’s been, because there’s no clocks in this room. I can only assume it’s for safety reasons, since someone can simply take out the battery of the clock and eat it if they’re that fucking suicidal, like...oh, I don’t know, people like myself?  
There’s another reason I can’t sleep, and it’s because of Frank. I’ll never forget those hazel eyes, that pale skin, and that raven black hair. He looks so familiar because Lindsey had all those features, and I guess that’s what draws me to him.  
No, wait...that’s not just why. It’s those eyes of his. Those eyes of his seem to hypnotize me, drawing me deep into the world that I said I have yet to explore. Why is he here? Why is he the way he is? What is wrong with him--  
“They’re gonna kill me! They’re gonna fucking kill me!” a sudden voice screamed, one that I’ve heard before. It’s coming from the room next door to mine...or I think it is, at least. It made me jump a bit, wondering who it is that’s screaming and crying in sheer horror.  
“Calm down, you’ll be fine,” another voice spoke, likely the nurse. “No one’s trying to kill you. Just relax and--”  
“No! Get away from me! Please, go away!” the distressed voice screamed, followed by the sound of banging on the walls that echoed throughout the vicinity. “Leave me and my daddy alone! Leave us alone!”  
“I need backup, and a sedative now! Code white!” the nurse yelled, sounding like he’s in a struggle as a bunch of other aides ran in the room. “Sir, you need to calm down, or we’re gonna have to sedate you--”  
“No! No, no, no! I don’t need anything! I don’t fucking need anything! Just leave me and daddy alone--ahhhh!” the hysterical man screamed in agony, his voice subdued to cries and moans as it died out.  
Wait a minute...daddy? Was that Frank who was screaming? Was it him that was having an episode in there? It has to be. I know he was going on about talking to his daddy earlier during group therapy, so it must’ve been him...right? If so, I was right. This man is very, very sick...and there’s gotta be someone to help him.


	3. Two

I don’t think I got even three hours of sleep last night. It didn’t help much that the bed I slept in is as comfortable as a pile of bricks, or that I was constantly woken up to the sound of screams and cries from other patients. I swear, if I hear Brendon crying one more time while I’m trying to sleep...I’m gonna snap.  
I also couldn’t sleep because my mind stayed on him...the boy with forest hazel eyes , beautifully pale skin, and long smooth black hair. I felt my heart sink when I learned it was him that was screaming and freaking out over whatever it was that was supposedly trying to kill him...but that's all in his head, of course. I wish I could’ve held him and told him that everything’s okay, that what he was seeing wasn’t real. But I can’t do that. I can’t speak, and he doesn’t know the difference between reality and fiction. I just really hope he’s okay…  
“Wake up, Gerard. Breakfast will be here soon,” a male attendee came in with some crude device to check vitals. I sleepily opened up my eyes, rubbing them as I tried my damndest to not pass out, as much as I wish I could. This cockmunch isn’t gonna leave until I do what he says. “Let me take your vitals, sir,”  
I held out my arm, letting the man take my blood pressure and oxygen percentage, as well as my temperature with the thermometer he placed under my tongue. After doing so, he prompted me to get dressed and out of my room, which I silently began to do when the man left. Before I could even think of getting dressed, I suddenly realized something--I have no clothes. My parents or brother didn’t pack anything for me, leaving me with this stupid white hospital gown to wear. Left with no other clothes to wear, I exited my room and walked down the hall to the dining room. I got in line to get my lunch tray. Today it’s (plastic) scrambled eggs, mystery meat sausage, and rubber pancakes with what may or may not really be butter and syrup. If we didn’t have attendees watching us, I most definitely wouldn’t have taken a tray. But I heard through the grapevine that if you refuse to take a tray, or if you don’t eat much at all, you’ll be under suspicion for anorexia, and therefore more likely to be tube-fed via Ensure through the nose. I know that won’t happen to me. I’ll only eat a little bit, but still enough to not have anyone think I’m fucking anorexic. Just not a lot. I know Lindsey wouldn’t be happy with me if I did eat a lot…  
I sat down at a table alone, away from the many patients staring at me like a goldfish in a tank. I wonder where Frank is, though? I’d most definitely sit with him, if I knew where he is. But I don’t know if that’d be a good idea, though. I’m too much of an ugly motherfucker to sit with someone so beautiful, so breathtaking--  
Wait a minute. Frank is here. He’s sitting with Ray, Brendon, and a few others. Damn it, how did I miss him? I know I can’t sit with Frank, though. Like I said before, I’m too fucking ugly to be with him. I know he’ll take one good look at me and cringe in disgust if I ever tried to go near him. Besides, I know in the back of my mind that a lot of patients here don’t like me, seeing the unpleasant looks on their faces when they see me; not that I really give a rat’s ass what strangers think of me, but when it comes to myself, that’s a whole different story. It really boggles my mind how someone like Lindsey ever wanted an ugly duckling like me in the first place...before she left me, that is.  
Being the creeper I am, I took a closer look at Frankie. He looks...off, should I say? What I mean by that is he looks the same as he did yesterday--curled up in his seat, rocking back and forth as he spoke to the thin air. I can only wonder who he’s talking to. Obviously it isn’t someone that’s there, since Ray and Brendon are talking to each other, and no one else seems to be talking to Frank…  
Oh no. He looked at me. Quick, Gerard! Look down!  
I kept my head down, hoping that Frank didn’t notice. I could stare at him all day, but I think that unfortunately really makes me a creep. I just hope that Frank doesn’t see me that way, like how everyone else in this place is. That is the last thing I want Frank to think of me as. I don’t really believe I’m one of them, all fucking crazy and mentally ill. I don’t think I should even be here. It’s not like I’m mentally ill or anything. I should be dead. I should either be in a cemetery or in an urn.  
I stared down at my food that’s gradually getting cold. I haven’t touched anything. I know I said I was gonna eat a little bit, but...nothing here looks appealing at all. It looks like food that even a dog wouldn’t touch. The eggs look like anything but real eggs, the sausage is drowned in grease, and the pancakes look incredibly stale. I know I wouldn't feed myself this food, even if I was stuck on an island with nothing to eat. I think I’d puke if I even took one bite of this stuff. There’s no way in hell I’m eating any of this. Maybe lunch will be better, and I’ll eat a little bit there. Besides, I’ve skipped meals all the time. I’m used to starving. I know Lindsey would be happy for me if she saw that I’m still keeping up with depriving myself of food. Food’s the last thing I need when I’m such a fatass.  
“You gonna eat or what?” a female attendee asked, walking up beside me. I didn’t do anything, not even shake my head. I think anyone at this point would take the hint that I’m not touching this stuff that’s so-called “food”. When she (thankfully) did take the hint, she pulled out a notebook and scribbled down some notes, most likely about my lack of intake. That’s okay, though. It’s just one time I’m not eating anything. I’ll definitely try to eat some lunch...but only a little bit. I can’t slip up for Lindsey.

_ _ _  
After breakfast, group therapy started. It’s the same as yesterday; everyone in a circle, everyone either sitting in fold-out chairs or on one of the sofas, for whoever got there first. I was, unfortunately, not one of those people, but that’s only because I already hate group therapy. It’s nothing but a bunch of wackos going on about how they believe they’re being spied on by the government, or that they’re Napoleon, or some other shit like that. I know I’m still not gonna say anything. Not one word. However, the only person I look forward to hear from is Frank. I could listen to him rant and ramble about whatever and never get sick of listening to it. I don’t care if he’s sick. Maybe someone really does need to sit and listen deeply to him, and not just write him off as another basket case that needs to be drugged up with antipsychotics.  
“Good morning, everyone!” Dr. Haycraft sang in a disgustingly overly-happy tone, taking a seat with her clipboard in her hand. Everyone (but me) said good morning back, sounding anything but excited, of course. It sounded like no one wants to be here at all, just like me. “Why don’t we all start off by going in around in a circle, doing the same old routine? Say your name, how you feel on a scale of one to ten, what your goal for today is, and why you’re here,” she turned to Ray, who sat right next to her. “Ray, why don’t you start us off?”  
“Of course,” Ray nodded reluctantly, looking as sleep-deprived as everyone else, myself included. “My name’s Ray Toro. On a scale of one to ten, I’d say I’m a four. My goal for today is to get some more sleep, and--”  
“Excuse me, Ray,” Dr. Haycraft interrupted, cutting Ray off. “Why only a four?”  
“Well...it’s because I didn’t sleep very well last night,” Ray yawned. “I usually sleep like a baby with the Trazodone, but I guess it just didn’t work well this time. Someone kept screaming in the middle of the night--”  
“Yeah, you know who to thank for that,” someone else cut Ray off. It was the blonde-haired guy that was playing cards with him yesterday; the guy who gave me a dirty look when he saw me. He turned to Frank, giving him that same disgusted look. “I could barely sleep because of you. Thanks a lot, Freaky Frank,”  
“Bob, that’s not nice,” Dr. Haycraft chided, already sounding fed up with the direction this therapy session is going. “You should apologize to--”  
“Fuck you, Bob!” Frank snarled, looking up from his feet he’d been staring throughout the whole session. “It’s not my fault that there were spiders under my bed! It’s not my fault that the spies sent them out to kill me! I could have died! Now they’re laying eggs in there, and I can’t go back in there!” he turned to Dr. Haycraft, losing his steam. “I want a new room, doc,”  
“Now Frank,” Dr. Haycraft said, her voice firm. “we don't use that kind of language--”  
”I don't care! Please, let me have a new room! I don’t care who it's with, just let me be out of the room with spiders! They'll kill me!”  
“Ugh, Frank…,” Bob rolled his eyes. “For the millionth time, there's no spiders in your room!”  
”Yes there is! I saw them! They--”  
”Enough!” Dr. Haycraft yelled, silencing the conflict that had arose between Frank and Bob, as well as a few other patients that chimed in. She turned to Frank. “We’ll hook you up with a new room today. We'll look and see which ones are available,”  
”Yay!” Frank exclaimed, throwing up his arms in victory. “You hear that, daddy? I’m getting a new room!”  
“Oh, please,” Bob facepalmed.  
Daddy? I guess Frank’s dad holds a special place in his heart. He must be a great guy if that’s so. Who is Frank’s dad, anyway? I can only wonder. Why would he talk to his dad in mid-air though? He was also rambling about him last as if he were right there, when Frank was freaking about the supposed spiders in his room. It just doesn’t make any sense...unless, he’s really not there, that is. Maybe Frank’s father is a part of his delusions and hallucinations. I can only hope that’s not the case, but unfortunately, it’s really starting to look like it is.

_ _ _  
I ended up not eating any lunch, because it looked just as appealing as breakfast. It was so bad looking that I don’t even remember what it was; I think it was some kind of mystery meat on pasta and some mixed soggy vegetables. I also couldn’t eat because for the life of me, I don’t deserve it, even if the food is shit. I’m already too fat to eat anything at all. I don’t know how everyone says otherwise, that I’m nothing but skin and bone. I looked into the mirror of my bathroom, seeing nothing but fat and discontent. I cursed at the reflection of my mirror that laughed in my face--bright red hair, hazel eyes, and pale skin mocking me for my irresponsibility and ugliness. I know why Lindsey left me, and it’s simple--I was just too fucking fat and ugly for someone as beautiful as her; not that I really blame her for leaving me, though. No matter how much I fast, I’ll still be the same fat and ugly piece of shit that I am. I felt the sting of tears in my eyes, being the pathetic human being I am.  
“Gerard?” a voice called out from my room. I dried my eyes and turned around to find a male attendee at my door. “You got a phone call,”  
I would ask who it is, but I can’t. I still can’t speak. I refuse to. I don’t think anyone would wanna hear my voice anyway. I hate it so much. I turned my head in a questioning manner, wondering who it could be.  
“It’s your brother Mikey,” he said, making my insides tie itself in knots. Does he really have the audacity to call me, after all he’s done to me? He spared my fucking life, when I wanted none of that. “You wanna talk to him?”  
There’s a part of me that does. I wanna ask him why he saved me. I wanna curse him out for doing so. I wanna scream at him for putting me in this shithole that is Monroeville Psychiatric Hospital. Why did he have the audacity to do all this for someone that just wanted to die? If I wasn’t mute, I’d ask him. How could I say no to talking to him, though? Maybe when I’m on the phone, I’ll change my mind about being mute. I’ll never know. I nodded my head to the attendee, following him to the two phone booths across from the nurse’s station, one of the booths taken by a sobbing Brendon. I picked up the phone as the attendee walked away, leaving me my brother on the other line.  
“Hello?” Mikey said, his voice curious. “You there, Gerard?”  
Hello, dearest younger brother. There’s a couple things I wanna ask, the first being why you saved me, the second being why you care about some worthless and pathetic fuck like me. Thanks to you, I’m stuck with a bunch of wackjobs in a place with overly-happy staff and shitty food. Fuck you.  
“I know you’re there, Gerard. Come on, talk to me,” Mikey begged. “Please,”  
I don’t know if I can, Mikey. I’ve been mute since that day I was so close to death...but you stopped that from happening. You think I’m gonna talk to you? You’re sorely mistaken.  
“Please, Gerard. I really miss you, and so do mom and dad. We all wanna make sure you’re okay. Please, talk to me!”  
I can’t, Michael. Not after what you’ve done to me. The one thing that meant the world to me is gone, and I’m left all alone and alive.  
“You’re not gonna talk to me, are you?” Mikey sighed. “If you’re not gonna, fine. So be it. I just hope you’re okay. I hope you’re going to group therapy and eating. I hope you’re making friends. I hope you’re well, Gerard. I’ll call you again. I’ll keep calling til you talk. I’ll talk to you later, Gerard. Goodbye,”  
I heard Mikey hang up, leaving me with an empty and ringing line. I hung up the phone, wishing I could get myself to talk to Mikey more. I’d tell him about the boy I met with eyes that welcomed me into his world. I’d tell him that I would indeed to talk to him, if my own mouth let me. I would tell him that he’s sick, and he needs a friend, as well as help. I would tell him that his name is Frank Iero. Speaking of Frank, I can only wonder where he’s at right now. What does he do in his spare time when we’re not in therapy? I normally don’t see him out in the day room with the others. I do, however, know what the others do. Ray and Bob normally play cards, Jimmy argues with the staff and teases other patients, and Brendon reads when he’s not crying his eyes out, which is very rare. Maybe I can find Frank and find out what he likes to do. I can’t associate myself with him, though. I know he wouldn't wanna be around a boring and mute fatass like me. He’s better than that. Before I could step out and find him, the same attendee came up behind me.  
“Gerard, you have an appointment. Dr. Levin would like to see you,” he said. I furrowed my brow. I have a shrink now? Since when? No one ever told me about this appointment ahead of time. I don’t think I wanna see this doctor. What’s the point, anyway? He’s just gonna sit there asking me a bunch of questions I won’t answer, and dose me up with a plethora of happy and anti-crazy pills. I guess I have no choice. I gotta see this doctor, or else I’ll likely be thrown into a padded cell or some shit like that...or, more rationally, the nurses will just document that I refused the appointment, extending my stay in this godforsaken place, which is the last thing I want. I followed the attendee down the hall and to a room with Dr. Levin’s name on the door, and he opened it up for me. I reluctantly walked in, finding a tall man sitting at his desk, offering me a seat in front of it. I sat down, and the man adjusted his glasses as he flipped through some paperwork, all of it likely about me.  
“Hello, Mr. Way,” Dr. Levin smiled, looking up at me from his papers. “How are you today?”  
How am I? I feel like shit. I haven’t eaten anything in the longest time, and I just got off the phone with my brother that saved my life, all against my wishes. I also wanted to find Frank, but your stupid appointment with me stopped all that. Now you’re gonna sit here and waste my time, asking me questions and prescribing me with more Prozac and god knows what else.  
“I wanna talk to you about your past with your self-harm and starvation. Can you explain to me why you do these things to yourself?” Dr. Levin asked, eyes on me. I kept my head down, daring to not look at his stupid eyes behind this stupid glasses. I’m not saying a word to this son of a bitch. He doesn’t need to know my business about me trying to get skinny. He also doesn’t need to know about me offering my blood to Lindsey. I did all that for her, not for your ass.  
“Gerard, are you gonna say anything to me?” Dr. Levin furrowed his brow. “Do you wanna tell me anything? It’s known to me that you’ve been mute since your...incident, should I say? Do you wanna tell me anything about that?”  
No. I’m not gonna say anything. I don’t need to go into detail about that if I don’t want to. You know what? I don’t care if me not talking to you extends my stay here. The last thing I wanna do is talk to a complete stranger about my past relationship with Lindsey and what I’ve done to myself for her. That’s none of your goddamn business.  
“Gerard, there’s something I need to know...in fact, there’s a lot I’d like to clarify,” Dr. Levin said, ignoring my silence and uncooperative behavior. “Can you tell me more about Lindsey, this girl you’ve seen? Do you still see her?”  
You know what? Fuck you and your appointment. I’m not saying a word about her. You don’t need to know anything about her, or anything about me. You can fill me up with pills if you want, but that’s not gonna get me to talk to you. You can take those pills and shove them up your ass, for all I care.  
“Silent treatment, huh?” Dr. Levin shrugged his shoulders. He shook his head, rubbing his forehead as he scribbled down some notes. “Very well, so be it, Mr. Way. I’ll be seeing you tomorrow morning, after breakfast,”  
Finally excused, I stood up from my seat and left without bothering to look back. There’s no way in hell I’m gonna see this guy. That all went much worse than I thought. Nobody needs to know about my personal business with Lindsey. She’s gone. I have lost her, and reminding me of her only adds fuel to the flame in my shattered heart. I stormed down the hallway and back to my room, collapsing on my bed as I felt my eyes water up. I am not gonna be seeing this man again, and that’s for sure. I looked down at my exposed arms that are covered to every inch with scars, the memories of her flooding back to me, from the time we first met, to the time we cut for each other, to the very end where she texted me those dreaded words. It’s occurred to me that I really, really miss her to death...and I’m far from over what she’s done to me, and talking to a psychiatrist is definitely not my way of getting over her.


	4. Three

I swear, the meals here get worse as time goes by. Today it’s fried cod that’s soaked in grease, soggy sauteed mushrooms, and what appears to be coleslaw. I guess the only appealing thing on the tray is the little blueberry pie that’s in a tin foil pan. How cute. I stared down at my food, deliberating whether or not I should at least eat the pie. It’s pie for god’s sake. I know pie isn’t the most healthiest thing in the world, especially for a landwhale like me, but holy shit am I starving. I felt my stomach growl loudly, begging me to at least feed it a morsel of food. I don’t think I’m gonna eat the pie, though. As small as it is, it’s likely got too much sugar and carbs, which is every fat person’s worst enemy when it comes to dieting. I can see Frank sitting at his table, wolfing his down like there’s no tomorrow. Maybe I can give mine to him. I’m sure he’d like that. But who in the hell would take pie from a stranger? You never know what’s inside of it, whether it be someone’s spit or boogers, or even their own fecal matter or jizz. No. It’s a bad idea. I know I’d get strange looks if I were to--  
“Hey there!” a voice called out next to me. Startled, I jumped and turned around to find who in the hell would dare to bug me--  
Wait a minute...is it really him? Is Frank, the boy with forest hazel eyes with worlds inside them, really sitting next to me? No. This can’t be real. He couldn’t be possibly be sitting next to a miserable fuck like me. I looked again, seeing him from head to toe in person right next to me. He really is, and...he’s smiling at me? Is this for real?  
“You should really eat, y’know,” Frank pointed to my food, looking at me with concern in his eyes. “You haven’t eaten anything all day, have you? You’re so thin!”  
Oh, Frank. You must be blind! How in the hell am I thin? I’m a fucking blimp! I strongly suggest you get those pretty eyes of yours checked.  
“I strongly suggest you eat. If you don’t...you don’t wanna know what they’ll do to you,” Frank frowned, seeing me not even pick up my fork to eat anything. He sighed deeply before he looked back up at me, pointing to my pie. “Can I eat that?”  
I looked at him, my mind processing what he just asked me. Of course he can have it. He deserves it more than I do. I nodded my head yes, and Frank snatched the pie off my plate, scarfing it down. It wasn’t long before he finished it, licking up all the crumbs on the small tin foil plate. He smiled, bits of blueberry and crumbs all over his lips. I smiled back, my eyes being blessed with that gorgeous grin. I know I said I always hated smiling, but when Frank smiles, I feel something warm inside of me; something genuine, unlike the fake smiles I see every day all around me in this hell. Frank’s smile is genuine, full of joy despite the sickness in his head. It’s genuine because despite the darkness deep inside him, he can still find a sliver of happiness, and it can be something as simple as enjoying a dessert. He smiles because it comes from his heart, and it’s not forced. That is why I smiled back. When he’s happy, so am I.  
“You know, Gerard...you should smile more,” Frank said, eyeing me with those otherworldly hazel eyes of his. “You’ve got a pretty smile. Why don’t you smile at all? Why don’t you talk, either?”  
Oh my god...did he really just say all that? My god, he did. I kept my head down, probably now blushing like an idiot. I felt my heart skip a beat in my chest, making it constrict. If only he knew the reason why I don’t smile or talk. I’m sure he’d understand if I ever told him, even though I know in the back of mind that will never happen. I really do wanna speak to him, but my own lips won’t let me. He’d hate my voice. He’d hate to hear me talking to him, and that’s why I’m gonna stay quiet. Lindsey hated it when I spoke, and I’m sure Frank is no different.  
“Well...I know you’re not gonna talk, but...that’s okay,” Frank shrugged, still smiling at me. “I’ll talk to you. You look like you need a friend. I wanna ask something, if that’s okay,”  
I turned to Frank, hoping to god I’m still not blushing. I’m stunned that I haven’t scared him off. How can he talk to me when he knows I’m not gonna say anything? It’s the equivalent of talking to a brick wall...only this brick wall is fat and doesn’t really wanna live anymore.  
“Well, Gerard...I wanted to know if...um…,” Frank looked down shyly. “If...well, you wanted to share your room with me? Dr. Haycraft told me that you have a spare bed, if I’m not mistaken,”  
I felt my eyes widen, as well as the hairs on my neck rise. What the hell did Frank just ask me? Does he really wanna share a room with me? He wants to be roommates with me? Holy shit, I must be dreaming. I have to be. None of this can be real. I know I’ll be waking up in my bed soon, right?  
“If you don’t wanna share your room...I understand,” Frank continued. His eyes waited for me to answer as I just stood there, unsure what to do. I’d love to share a room with him...but will that mean I have to endure more of his madness, like what happened last night? Am I willing to put myself through that? You know what? Yes, I am. He needs someone. He needs a friend. He needs to be reminded he’s not alone in whatever nightmare is taking place in his head. I nodded my head yes, graciously accepting his offer. The smile on Frank’s face grew wider, his eyes bright and full of utter joy.  
“Yay!” Frank stood up from his seat, doing what I can assume is a happy dance, as awkward as it is. “No more spiders! No more spiders for me! Thank you, Gerard! Thank you!”  
I felt myself jump back a little as Frank wrapped his arms around me, hugging me tightly. Despite my body being full of extra fat, I surprisingly felt suffocated and crushed in Frank’s embrace. I guess he just gives really strong hugs. Returning the favor, I hugged him back, loving every second of this. I could hold him for all eternity, taking all the vulnerability away from him.  
“I’ll go talk to Dr. Haycraft and let her know I found a roommate!” Frank exclaimed, letting go of me. “Oh boy, this is so exciting! I can’t wait!” he ran off, leaving me all alone with my tray. I stared down at it, noticing the empty foil plate Frank left. I picked it up, examining it’s details. I could use this, I thought to myself. Maybe make some origami out of it, just for the hell of it. I’ve always been fond of making art out of objects, whether it be paper or random things I find on the floor, like a paperclip. I know I’ll make something special out of this, whatever it might be. I smiled as I put the mini pie pan in the pocket of my gown, knowing that whenever I look at it, it’ll remind me of my new roommate.

_ _ _  
After Frank got all his stuff settled into my room, visiting hours came around. In the day room, family members and friends (or, at least, the people that give a shit) gathered to visit their sons, daughters, sisters, brothers, friends, or whatever other relation these people have with each other. I frowned when I saw Frankie all alone, sitting at the couch, visiting no one but the voices he hears in his head. I’d visit Frank everyday. I wonder if he’d to the same for me?  
“Gerard,” I heard someone call my name. I turned around to find a familiar face, one that a part of me knew I’d be seeing. It’s Mikey, smiling and waving at me with a brown grocery bag wrapped in his arm. “Hey, bro. Good to see you. I brought you some clothes from home,”  
I should have known that Mikey would come and visit me. I really, really should have known better. Of course my brother that spared me is gonna come see me. He visited me everyday when I was in the hospital. I don’t know if I can afford to face him at this time; not after what he did to me. I kept my head down as I sat at the table, wishing he would just go away. I can’t tell him that, though. I can’t speak. Mikey sat down across from me, folding his hands as he looked at me, with my eyes away from him. He’s not gonna get far with talking to me. Not a chance. At least he brought me some clothes to wear so I’m not stuck in this itchy gown.  
“Good lord, Gerard...you’ve really changed, you know that, right?” he said, rather somberly this time. I guess it finally occurred to him how much of a mess I am. “You’ve gotten...thinner. Much thinner than before. You were already skinny beforehand,”  
No. That’s not a reason why I’m a mess. I’m a mess for the opposite reason. I’m fucking fat, and Lindsey agreed. I’m losing weight because I’m supposed to, plus the food here is terrible.  
“Have you been getting enough to eat, Gee? We’re all really worried about, um...your weight,”  
I really, really wish I can say something. I really wish that I can tell Mikey the truth, but I can’t. I’d tell them the truth about why I’m not eating; it’s because the food here is barely edible, and I need to starve myself. I’m only trying to help myself. And yes, Mikey and my parents should be worried about me. I’m just too fucking fat.  
“You really should eat some more, Gerard. If you don’t...you’re never gonna get better,” Mikey frowned. “Have you been going to therapy at least? Have you been talking? Are you making any friends?”  
Ugh. Does it really look I’ve been talking? No. I haven’t, and I won’t. And yes, I have been going to therapy, but that’s only for one reason--Frank is there. He’s the only thing about therapy I look forward to. He’s the only thing in this godforsaken place that puts a fucking smile on my face. Did you know he’s also my new roommate now, too? So yes, you could say I’m making friends, Mikey. Do I get a gold star for that?  
“Come on, Gee,” Mikey sighed. He reached across the table and grabbed one of my hands, folding it in his. When he touched me, I felt something deep inside of me, like a pang in my chest. I can see in his eyes that he really, really wants to talk to me, and that he wants me to finally open my mouth. “You’ve gotta talk to me, bro. I miss you. Mom and dad miss you. I know it doesn’t seem like they do, but...trust me, they do, Gerard. Please, Gerard...please come back to us,”  
What are you talking about? Your brother is right here right in front of you. Your ugly, fat, pathetic excuse of an older brother is sitting right in front of you right now, Mikey. How can you miss me when I’m right here? I wouldn’t miss me at all.  
“Gerard…,” Mikey looked down at his hands that are holding mine. “I know you’ve changed a lot. I know you’re not the same person you were before when you were...you know, well. You need to get better. You need help,”  
No, Mikey. I’m not gonna change. This is who I am. Accept it or leave it. The only way I will change is that I will be skinny, and I will be dead when I finally get out of this place. There’s no way in hell I’ll let myself die bloated. The Gerard you knew before is dead...and this one in front of you was close to it, but you stopped him and sent him here.  
Mikey stood up from his chair, letting go of my hand. He had to go. Visiting hours are almost over, since he got here late. What’s the point of him staying anyway, when I’m not talking? How is he really willing to waste his time with someone he knows is not gonna speak? He walked across the table over to me where I sat, his tall and slender body towering over mine. That was when he bent down a bit and hugged me, his arms wrapped around my body that’s curled up in a ball in the chair. He hugged me so tightly that I swear he’s so close to breaking my spine. I also swear that through the quietness of the room, I can hear him cry and sniffle...but that could just be me.  
“I gotta go, Gee,” he finally said after what seemed like hours of silence. “You be good for me, okay? Keep going to therapy...and do what your doctor tells you. Take your medication, and make some friends too, alright?”  
Mikey waved one last time before he left the dining room and walked down the hall to leave this place, leaving me all alone. I looked up and watched as he walked down those front doors, leading him down the elevator. I waved as he walked further away from me, his head down and away from me. Bye, brother. I turned back and noticed the brown paper bag he left on the table for me. I went and examined it’s contents, pulling out a few t-shirts and sweaters, as well as pants, underwear, socks, laceless tennis shoes, and...something else. The thing that’s not in my hand is not a piece of clothing. It’s something much different. It’s what looks to be like a piece of paper…  
No. It’s a photograph. It’s me and Mikey, the both of us smiling. I held it with both hands, looking closely at the picture. We looked so happy, like we didn’t have a care in the world. I was happy, I don’t know what for, but damn it, I was still fucking happy! I’m smiling, unlike how I am now. I used to smile, but don’t no more. Those days are dead and gone...and it’s all because I lost her…  
I miss her...I really fucking miss her. I miss telling her I love her, and her doing the same for me. I miss her kisses. I miss her hugs. I miss her smiles. I miss bleeding for her…  
No. That’s what I need to do. I need to bleed. That’s why I’m feeling so numb; I need to feel pain. It’s better to feel that than emptiness and shame. I stood up and walked back to my room, setting down the bag on my bed as I pulled out the pie pan from my pocket. I bit and folded and cut it until I made it sharp like a blade, finishing my masterpiece that I’m soon to use to make another on my skin. It’s good that I finally found something that I can injure myself with, since everything here is rounded, including the furniture. I haven’t been able to stab myself with a pen since all the tips are felt-tip, and we are given plastic silverware for meals. Now, my blade is right here in front of me, ready to carve into my skin that’s a canvas for self-mutilation. I can’t be in here for long, though; it’s part of the policy of this hellhole that we are not to be in our rooms til quiet hour or bed. I’ll cut myself a bit, and then cover up my scars with one of the sweaters Mikey gave me. Just as long as I bleed, it’ll all be fine…  
I shut my eyes as I brought the faux blade to the skin of my wrist, pressing into it and carving it til I felt my skin puncture, warm blood seeping from the wound. There it is. Blood, running down my arm, pain radiating from it, releasing waves of it throughout my now fulfilled body, my head arched back in ecstasy. If only Lindsey were here to see it. She’d be happy to see it, and indulge in it. I woulda made her proud. If only she were here, though. But she isn’t. I’m bleeding alone. I no longer have anyone to bleed for.  
I sighed deeply, cleaning up the blood with my own tongue, feeling the taste of iron in my mouth. I rushed to the bathroom and put pressure on my new wound with a paper towel dampened with cold water until I was sure the blood finally stopped seeping out. With the wound now under control and no longer bleeding, I returned back to my room and undressed from my dirty and itchy white hospital gown and changed into a pair of jeans and a blue sweater. I put my clothes on quickly, avoiding my disgusting body I’m ashamed of looking at. I swear that it’s almost time for therapy, too. I wanna get there quick, not because I’m all that eager to hear everyone talk about their flavor of the day issues, but because I know Frank’s gonna be there...and he’s waiting for me--  
“Hey, Gerard!” Frank smiled, opening up my door and making me jump a bit. I turned around, happy to see it’s him. He’s the only one I’ll ever be happy to see here...and he’s now my roommate. I can’t let him see what I just did to myself, though. God knows how he’ll react, knowing how he is. I should be a little scared that I’m now sharing a room with him because of that...but I’m not. I don’t see a man I should fear at all. I see a broken boy that needs someone...and that person just might be me.  
Frank ran right into our room, taking a leap and belly-flopping right on his bed. He rolled around and looked up at me, a simple smile still on his face.  
“You ready for group, Gerard?” he asked. As I nodded and followed him outta the room, I noticed something when I looked at him--a giant scar on the right side of his head, buried under his mass of messy of black hair. It’s not a scar like the ones on my arms, no...this is much worse. This is a scar like someone cut into his head, like he had some kind of surgery or something. What happened to him? Is this part of the reason why he’s the way he is? I could only wonder, but I know one thing is for certain--something very awful happened to this guy, or maybe even a series of things, god forbid.


	5. Four

I can’t tell you how many interesting stories I’ve heard at therapy so far. Jimmy believes he’s the antichrist, while Pete and Patrick (the guys that were eating soup together in the dining room when I first got into this nuthouse) both believe that they were abducted by aliens. I swear, I’ve been trying my damndest throughout the whole session to keep myself from pissing myself out of laughter. I’ve already received too many dirty looks because of it, especially by Dr. Haycraft, but I could care less. The only person I won’t laugh hearing from is Frank. I’m curious to hear what he has to say, no matter how ludicrous it might be. He’s next to talk.  
“I’m Frank Iero,” he smiled warmly, starting off. “On a scale of one to ten...I’m a ten!”  
“Oh, that’s great!” Dr. Haycraft chimed in. “Can you tell us why you’re in such a good mood?”  
“Well...I have a new roommate, and his name is Gerard!” Frank exclaimed, pointing right to me next to his seat, making me blush a bit. “He’s so nice to me! He’s such a good friend. Now that I’m out of my old room, Gerard will protect me, and I won’t be dealing with any spiders no more!”  
“That’s good to hear, Frank,” Dr. Haycraft nodded, writing down some notes, probably about Frank’s delusions of the spiders. “So you haven’t been seeing any spiders since you left your old room, hmmm?”  
“Nope. Not one. Isn’t that great? I know my daddy would be happy to hear that there aren’t any more of them,” Frank turned to me, still smiling widely. “Plus I’m positive he’d be happy to hear that I made a new friend. Right, Gerard?”  
Before I could even nod, someone suddenly bursted out into laughter, like they just heard the best joke ever cracked. All heads turned to find that it’s Bob, his face red and scrunched up from laughing so much. I glared at him, knowing that he could only be up to no good, being the jerk he can be.  
“What’s so funny?” Frank asked, his happy bubble already popped.  
“Frank...your dad wouldn’t be happy for you at all. We all know he doesn’t give a rat’s ass about you,” Bob sneered. “So cut the crap, Freaky Frank. Even your own mom thinks you’re nuts,”  
The whole room went deathly quiet after Bob spoke. Right next to him, Ray gasped, floored by what he just heard come out of his friend’s mouth. Dr. Haycraft’s jaw nearly dropped to the ground. As for me, I’m now fuming with anger. How dare he say that to Frank--  
“No, you’re a liar!” Frank hissed, his gaze ice cold. “My daddy loves me! I talk to him every day!”  
“How so?” Bob asked mockingly.  
“The chip in my head!” Frank pointed to the side of his head, in the same exact spot where I found the scar. “Before mom sent me here, daddy implanted a chip into my head so that I can communicate with him! The reason why I haven’t been able to see him at all is because he’s busy at work all the time. When he finally gets time off, he’ll pick me up and get me the hell outta here, and we’ll live together!”  
“Yeah, right...freak!” Bob laughed. “God, you’re so delusional. No wonder your mom dumped you here! We all know the truth about your dad. He didn’t love you, Frank. He hated your guts. He beat you up so bad he put your ass in a coma, and--”  
“Bob, that’s enough!” Dr. Haycraft yelled, her voice venomous. It was already too late, though. The damage had already been done; Frank was already weeping into his hands, his sobs similar to that of an upset baby. I growled at Bob, already feeling my whole body shaking with rage. I’ve never been one to start fights, but god, do I wanna punch him right in the face…  
“You’re a liar, Bob! You’re a fucking liar!” Frank stood up from his seat, storming out of the room and down the hall, his cries loud and booming, echoing in my head.  
“Wait, Frank! Come back!” Dr. Haycraft called out, but to no avail. She can’t stop him...but I can. I stood up and ran after him, not at all caring if I get written up for skipping out on therapy. I’ve got a friend to be there for. Dr. Haycraft stood up and yelled at me to come back, but I didn’t even take a second to stop and think. I just ran, darting down the hall to find him. I already have an idea where he’s headed off to.  
I turned the hallway and ran to my room, where I found Frank curled up in a fetal position on his bed, weeping into his pillow. I wanna call out to him. I wanna tell him everything’s okay, and to not listen to what Bob said about him. I wanna tell him so much to reassure him...but all I can really do is just hold him, which is exactly what I did, walking up to him and taking him into my arms. He didn’t even resist. When he saw me, he clung onto me with his dear life, his whole body shaking and helpless.  
“I want my daddy!” he whined, sniffling into my shirt. “Why would Bob say that to me? None of what he said was true. He’s...he’s just a big fat meanie!”  
As much I hate Bob for hurting Frank like that, I’m almost starting to think that there is indeed something more to all of this. What if Bob was actually right, as much as I hate to admit it? I know for a fact there’s no chip planted into Frank’s head, and anyone with a sound enough mind would know that. Was Frank’s dad really abusive towards him? Was he the one that gave Frank the stitches in his head? It’s all something to worth ask. I know I’m not gonna get answers from Frank, though. I’ve gotta look for them from someone else.  
“Gerard...can you please do me a favor?” Frank asked, looking up at me with his teary eyes. “Can you...stay with me?”  
Looks like searching for answers will have to wait. Frank needs me. He doesn’t need someone to comfort him and make the pain go away. He just needs someone there with him. I nodded, lying down next to him and wrapping my arms around his shaking body. Frank buried his face into my chest and cried, mewling and sniffling in my shirt. Now more than ever, I want to speak for him. I would tell him that he can stay here with me as long as he wants, and that I’ll always be there when he needs a shoulder to cry on. I’d speak for no one else but him. He’s worth it. If only I could open my mouth and say those words to him…

_ _ _  
Frank ended up falling asleep on me, spending the rest of the evening lying next to me. He’d done so much crying that it wore him out. As much as I’d let him do that, I had to get up and get myself dressed and ready for bed. I know that the attendees would sooner or later be peeking into the little windows on our rooms to check up on us when we’re supposed to be in bed, and I don’t wanna raise any suspicions. When the attendees did finally check up on us, I laid in my own bed, pretending to be asleep. After they went away, I went straight to Frank’s bed, cuddling up right next to him. I can tell by how much he’s been tossing and turning that he’s struggling to sleep soundly. It wasn’t long before he soon woke up, gasping a little. He looked up at me, relieved.  
“Sorry, Gerard...just a bad dream,” he sighed. I nodded, figuring that was the case. I smiled as I looked into his eyes, the world inside of them welcoming me into them once again, a world so warped and mesmerizing and disastrous and beautiful. I’ve barely touched the surface discovering it, but I want to run right in and chase whatever nightmare was taking place in it. However, running into dangerous territory is nothing short of foolish.  
“Mmmmm…,” Frank moaned, leaning forward and curling up next to me, his body no longer tense. He’s just so cold, though...and it’s not that chilly in this room. I’m actually sweating. “You’re so warm, Gee...oh!” Frank perked his head up, blushing. “Sorry...Gerard,”  
I shook my head, not at all minding him calling me by something other than my real name. He can call me whatever the hell he wants. I really don’t fucking mind. I just wanna hold him and be with him. That’s all that matters…  
Frank suddenly gasped, backing away from me like I just threatened him. I felt my heart drop into my stomach. What did I do? Frank’s wide eyes stared down below me, where I looked…  
Oh no...my scars! I forgot to cover them up…  
Goddamnit. How could I have forgotten? I wouldn’t want Frank to see these as much as the nosy nurses and attendees. What the hell is wrong with me? That’s it. I fucked up…  
“Gee...what did you...oh my god…,” Frank covered his mouth with both hands, dismayed by what’s in front of him. I hung my head in shame, feeling like a failure. Frank didn’t need to see this...but it’s too late. He must think low of me for doing such a thing to myself. I bled for someone that’s no longer a part of my life, and these are my wounds of war. Who on earth besides Lindsey would wanna be with someone that hurts himself?  
I’m sorry, Frank…  
I nearly fell back when I felt Frank’s weight on me, pushing me back and holding me in a tight embrace. I felt a pang in my chest, Frank’s body shaking immensely with his arms wrapped around me. I can hear him crying. He’s crying...for me?  
“Oh, Gee…,” he sniffled, looking up at me. “I’m so sorry, Gee...you’re too precious to do this to yourself, but...you’re not alone…,”  
Frank pulled up the sleeves of his shirt, revealing an array of old scars covering his arms, all discolored and deep into his tainted skin. My eyes widened, completely floored by what the hell I’m seeing.  
What...why, Frank? Why do you do this to yourself? You’re better than that! You’re too beautiful to taint yourself like this!  
“You see, Gee...I…,” Frank gulped, his body still visibly shaking. “As you can see, I used to cut myself, being the fool I was. I always felt so numb that I had to inflict pain upon myself to feel something. When my mom found out that I was cutting, she wasn’t very happy, and neither was my daddy. It was so hard for me to stop, but I was eventually able to do so. I did it because I knew my daddy would hate to see me do something like this to myself. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I feel your pain,”  
I smiled sadly as Frank told me his story about his cutting. If only it was that easy for me to stop. I also always feel so numb, and cutting myself was a sweet release of those inner feelings for me. I also had to do it for someone that encouraged it, and now she’s gone…  
“Will you stop cutting yourself please? I hate to see you do this to yourself. You’re the guy that’s supposed to protect me from the spiders, and I hate to see yourself get hurt. Please do it for me, Gee?” Frank pleaded, giving me a puppy-eyed look. I looked down at my scarred arms and gulped. I don’t know if I could do that. I’m sick of feeling numb all the time. I need to feel something. Maybe what I need to do is feel something different than pain. But what exactly? I don’t know, but maybe, Frank could help me find that. I smiled and nodded. Frank smiled back and took me into another bone-crushing hug. I’ll admit that it’s gonna be hard for me to stop cutting, but I’m gonna try my best…  
“I’m really not that tired, Gee. Are you?” Frank asked. I shook my head. I am wide awake, much to my surprise. I don’t think it’s that late either; my best guess is that it’s like 10:30 or something. A clock could be helpful. “What should we do?”  
I thought for a little while. There really wasn’t much to do in this room. If only we weren’t confined to them at a certain time. An idea suddenly came to mind. I thought up a way to make Frank laugh. I made a silly face, stretching out my mouth. It apparently worked. Frank was laughing hysterically, his voice echoing throughout the room. I shushed Frank, hoping that the attendees and other patients would hear us. Frank then made a silly face of his own, his tongue wagging around. I almost peed myself as I snickered, catching myself snorting a little, which made the both of us laugh even harder.  
“You’re funny,” Frank said. “That’s one of the millions of things I like about you,”  
Okay, Frank must be bluffing right now. What was there to like about me? I’m just a fat nobody. I’m no one special. I turned my head to the side, curious as to why Frank would like someone like me.  
“Well, you’re very nice, that’s for sure,” Frank replied. “And….you listen, too. Everyone else in this place thinks I’m crazy. Not you, though. You give me reassurance that I’m not alone. No one else gives me that. Not Dr. Haycraft, or Ray, or anyone else...except for you. You hear me out, and for that, I thank you,”  
I smiled at Frank sadly. It would be rude to call Frank crazy. Frank’s not well. I think that’s a nicer way to put it. However, he is right about one thing. He needs someone that’ll just sit and listen to him. Nobody else would do that, except maybe Dr. Haycraft, but she gets paid to do that.  
“What’s wrong?” Frank asked, staring at me in curiosity. I shook my head, brushing the problem off. I made another silly face with my eyes, which sent Frank into another laughing frenzy. “Oh my god, I’ll never get sick of you. You are too funny, Gee!”  
Frank opened up his arms and wrapped me into yet another hug. I graciously accepted it, rubbing Frank’s back. I never want him to let go. He smells so good too. After what seemed like a long time, we parted from each other and smiled into each other’s eyes.  
“Well, Gee. What should we talk about? The night is still young,”  
I looked down, thinking about what there was to talk about. Maybe a little juicy gossip wouldn’t hurt. Thankfully, I knew sign language from teaching myself. I don’t know why I did. I guess I was bored, but now it really came in handy. Through my sign language, I suggested to Frank that we talk about the other patients and staff.  
“Holy shit, Gee...you know sign language?” Frank said, his eyes lighting up with glee. “I know sign language too! How did you learn to do that?”  
After telling Frank how I taught myself, Frank did the same through his non-verbal speech, saying that he used to take classes when he worked with deaf kids. We began our gossiping session, first talking about Jimmy and how he believes he’s the antichrist, then about Pete and Patrick believing that they were abducted by aliens. I asked on why Ray was in this place. Frank told me it’s because of his anxiety, depression, and alcoholism. I used to drink a lot, but stopped when I Lindsey told me that it made me fatter. Frank went on to say that Ray is a nice guy and is the only other patient that’s nice to him. He also said that he heard a rumor that Ray is gonna be transferred to another institution called Kingwood, rumored to be an even stricter and higher security place than here. I found that a little hard to believe. Ray seems like one of the more saner people in this godforsaken place. I guess I shouldn’t judge a book by it’s cover.  
“I’m getting a little sleepy,” Frank said, yawning. “I think I’m gonna call it a night, if that’s alright,”  
I nodded, getting up from Frank’s bed and heading back to my own. I would’ve definitely slept with Frank, but I don’t wanna risk getting caught by one of the attendees. That would spell disaster for us. I said goodnight through my sign language and got under the covers. It wasn’t long before I heard Frank snoring. It wasn’t loud and obnoxious. It was soft and rhythmic, even soothing. I shut my eyes, hoping that I could fall asleep just as fast as Frank.


	6. Five

I actually managed to get a decent amount of sleep last night. I dreamt of me and Frank smiling and laughing like we didn’t have a care in the world. We both woke up and took turns showering, then headed to the cafeteria for breakfast. Today it’s french toast and bacon. I really wish I could make Frank proud of me for eating, but I just can’t do it. From what I’ve heard, french toast and bacon is high in fat. I know Lindsey wouldn’t want me to eat any of this. Hopefully at lunch they’ll serve something healthier. If so, maybe I’ll eat a little bit. I am fucking starving, and the only way I can shut up my growling stomach is if I put some food in it.  
“The french toast isn’t that bad. You should try some,” Frank said. As I stared at my food, an attendee came up to me and Frank. I read what was on his nametag. His name was Joshua.  
“Gerard, can I talk to you in private?” he asked. Ugh. I’d rather not, but I’m not feeling up to causing any problems at the moment. I’m that lazy right now. I turned to Frank, silently telling him I’ll be right back. I walked out of the cafeteria and down the hall with Joshua, wondering what the hell this guy could possibly want this early in the morning. I just wanna go back to the cafeteria and be with Frank, damn it. Whatever this guy wants, it better be quick.  
“So, we had a discussion with the dietician. You haven’t eaten much since you’ve been here. If this continues...we’ll have no choice but to force-feed you Ensure,” the attendee warned. That was when my eyes went wide. When did I ever consent to someone force-feeding me? I want to review over my rights. There’s no way they can do this to me! I refuse! “So if I were you, I would start eating. This is your last warning,”  
Fuck you. I’m not gonna let you force-feed me. If I don’t wanna eat, then I don’t wanna eat. I shouldn’t eat anyway. Have you seen how much I weigh?  
After Joshua was finished giving me the force-feeding warning, I returned to the cafeteria, where Frank was waiting for me. I sighed deeply, going back to staring at the food I so badly don’t wanna eat.  
“What did he have to say?” Frank asked. I told him about what Joshua had to say to me, and that made Frank’s jaw hit the floor.  
“What? That’s crazy! You really should eat. I don’t wanna see that happen to you,”  
I’m really sorry, Frank. I really wish I could eat. I can’t, though. If I eat, I’ll slip up and end up eating too much…  
I sighed deeply, putting my face into my hands, wishing I could disappear. It’s not fair. All I wanna do is be skinny. I’ll be fucked if I eat a morsel of food. My stomach is screaming at me, begging me to feed it something. Beside me, Frank put a supporting hand on my back, rubbing it. If only starving yourself weren’t this hard…

_ _ _  
After a few group meetings, visiting hours came by. I sat in the day room, watching some cartoon as I waited for my brother to arrive. I wonder if he was gonna come see me today. I have a good feeling that he will. I don’t know where Frank went; he said he had to get ready for his dad to stop by. I really hope he does. It’s really heartbreaking to see no visitors come to see Frank. He deserves someone besides me in his life that gives a shit about him.  
I turned around and found Mikey walking towards me. He smiled and waved at me, holding a grocery bag full of stuff.  
“Hey, Gee. I brought you some more clothes and a notebook,” he said, pulling out the notebook and handing it to me. I looked at it, then back to Mikey. Since Mikey doesn’t know sign language, he had to buy a notebook for me so that I could communicate with him. What was I gonna say to him? I’m still mad at him for saving me and making me go to this hell hole, but I know I can’t hold a grudge against him forever. He’s my brother, and I love him. Me and Mikey went into the cafeteria and sat down at one of the tables. Mikey grabbed a pen out of his coat pocket and handed it to me.  
“Talk to me, Gerard. Please?” he begged, eyes pleading with me. It was at that moment that I knew what I wanted to write down. I was gonna tell him about my new friend Frank. I smiled, writing down just that.

I made a new friend. His name is Frank.

I handed over the notepad to Mikey, a smile still on my face. Mikey read over what I had to say, and smiled back.  
“Really? That’s awesome. It’s good to see you smiling again. Where is he?” he asked. I turned around and looked to see if he was anywhere nearby. It was at that moment that I felt my heart drop into my stomach. Frank ran into the room naked, some attendees chasing after him. He looked absolutely horrified, his eyes wide with fear.  
“Get away from me! I gotta get away from him!” he screamed. The attendees stood close to him, cautious around him.  
“Frank, no one’s out to get you,” one of the attendees said, holding Frank’s clothes in his hand. “It’s okay. Just calm down and put these back on--”  
“No! No, I can’t! The spiders laid eggs on them! Don’t you see? The spider man is coming for me!”  
I was absolutely devastated. Frank was having one of his episodes, and there’s nothing I can do about it, even though I wished I could. I looked over to Mikey, who looked equally as shocked.  
“I need a sedative. Code white!” the attendee yelled. Seconds later, Hayley the nurse ran up to the cafeteria with a syringe in her hand. Frank backed away from her, cornered by the attendees. He backed into a corner, his screams and cries deafening and heartbreaking. Two of the attendees went up to Frank and held him down as Hayley put the tranquilizer into Frank. He kicked and screamed some more before his body soon grew weak and passed out, the attendees taking him away in a wheelchair. I looked back at Mikey, who still had his jaw dropped to the ground.  
“Was that him?” he asked. I sadly nodded, looking down at the notebook Mikey gave me. He sighed deeply.  
“Gerard...I don’t think you should be around him. He’s clearly not well. You should focus on yourself,” Mikey said.  
Are you fucking kidding me? I thought Mikey wanted me to make friends with some of the patients. Now he’s telling me I shouldn’t? Frank is the only other patient in this place I give a rat’s ass about. I shot Mikey a dirty look, so badly wanting to tell a certain two words that are unkind.  
“Gerard, he’s sick! Very sick. He’s a distraction from your goal here. You gotta focus on yourself,” Mikey nearly exclaimed. I took the notebook and wrote down what I wanted to say, pressing so hard on the paper with the pen.

NO.

I handed the notepad back to Mikey, letting him read my short message. He sighed deeply, looking up back at me.  
“I understand he’s your friend, but...you gotta focus on yourself. Hanging around with his kind is not good for you,”  
What the fuck? What the fuck do you mean by “his kind”? Everyone here has got their own problems. I thought you wanted me to socialize with the other patients. Now you want me to cut off Frank? Fuck off. I won’t do that. You can’t make me.  
I crossed my arms tightly and looked down, an angered look on my face. I don’t want Mikey here anymore. He really pissed me off. He needs to leave.  
“Listen, I gotta get to work,” Mikey said, getting up. “You can be mad at me all you want, but it’s only for the best of you. I’m sorry. Goodbye, Gerard. I’ll talk to you soon,”  
Yeah, okay. Bye, asshole.  
I watched as Mikey walked out of the cafeteria and down the hall to the door that lets visitors and staff in and out. I picked up the notebook and stormed out of the cafeteria. I walked down to my room until I accidentally bumped into someone. I looked up to see who it was. It was Ray, who shot me an apologetic look.  
“You okay, Gerard? Did your visit with your brother go well?” he asked.  
What the fuck do you think? It went terrible.  
Before I could write anything down, I suddenly thought of something. I wanted to make sure Frank was okay. Maybe he’s back in our room? I hope so. I wrote down in my notebook, asking where Frank was. I handed the notebook to Ray, who read it. He sighed, looking somber.  
“He’s in solitary confinement from his little outburst about the spiders. I’m sorry, Gerard,” he said. I felt my chest constrict. Poor Frank is in a padded cell all by himself. I wish I could hold him and tell him he’s safe, that no one was out to get him. That’s what he needs instead of being thrown into a room, all alone and suffering. I snatched my notebook from Ray’s hands and stormed down the hall to my room, slamming the door shut. I landed on my bed, lying there as I felt warm tears come to my eyes. I want Frank to be right here with me. I’m now all alone with my misery. I need to get rid of this feeling. I feel so numb…  
I reached into my pocket and pulled out the blade I made out of the pie pan. I knew at that moment what I had to do. I need to bleed. If only Lindsey were here. She’d be happy to see me do this. I brought the blade to the skin on my wrist, carving deep into my skin. It wasn’t long before the crimson blood seeped out of my wound, running down my wrist. I brought the blade away from my arm, watching as the blood continued to run down my skin. It’s such a beautiful sight. I licked it up, the taste of the blood on my tongue. I smiled, the stinging pain of the cut throbbing from my arm--  
I jumped to my feet when I heard someone open my door. I hid my blade behind my back, hoping in vain no one sees it. It’s Bob that’s in the doorway, a shit-eating smirk on his face.  
“What are you doing?” he sneered. I backed away from him as he came closer to me, my blade still behind my back. Can I ever get a fucking break here? “Whatcha got behind your back?”  
“Nothing. Go away,” I spat, venom lacing my voice. Bob jolted towards me and grabbed my arm, revealing my blade from behind my back. “Leave me alone!” I yelled as I tried to fight Bob off. It was too late, though. He knows what I’ve been hiding from everyone. He snatched it out of my hands, examining what I made to hurt myself with.  
“Ohhhhh, I’m telling the nurse about this!” Bob sang mockingly. I reached out, trying to reclaim my blade.  
“Give it back!” I screamed, tackling Bob to the floor, struggling against him to get my creation I made outta tin foil. I toppled him, throwing punches at him and grabbing his arms to get my blade back. I gave a few good punches before the attendees rushed in and grabbed me, pulling me away from Bob and holding me down.  
“What’s going on here?” asked Joey, one of the attendees.  
“Look what I found! Gerard used this to be an emo fag and cut himself!” Bob said, holding up my blade for everyone to see.  
All eyes went to me, and I had no idea how I was gonna cover my ass. I’ve been caught red-handed. Thanks, Bob.  
“Gerard, do you have any way to explain yourself?” Joey asked me. What was I gonna say? That Bob was right? I shook my head, giving Joey a dirty look. Two of the attendees took my arms and pulled me out of the room and down the hall. They stopped me in front of Hayley, who turned to us.  
“What happened back there?” she asked.  
“Gerard and Bob got into a fight. We found this. Gerard was using it to cut himself,” said Joey, who held up my blade. Hayley’s mouth made an O shape, covering it with her hand as she turned to me.  
“Gerard, that’s not right! Where did you cut yourself?” she asked me. I shamelessly held out my arm, revealing my cut to her. She immediately tended to it, dabbing it with a cotton ball soaked in rubbing alcohol. She then put a bandage over it. “You know what this means, right?” she said. I shook my head.  
“Because of your little fight with Bob and you cutting yourself, you’ll be put in solitary confinement for a while so you can think about what you’ve done,” Joey said. My eyes widened and my stomach tied itself in knots.  
Are you fucking kidding me? It was Bob that started it! He provoked me!  
I crossed my arms, giving my best look of disgust on my face as the two attendees guided me down the hallway. They soon stopped in front of a door at the end and punched in a code. The door clicked and opened, and I reluctantly walked in, the door shutting and locking behind me. I sat down in the corner of the small padded room, covering my face with my hands as I sighed deeply. I don’t know how long I’m gonna be here. Maybe it’ll be ten minutes or ten hours. However long it’s going to be, it’s gonna suck.


	7. Six

I don’t know how long I’ve been in here. All I know is this: solitary confinement is fucking boring. What’s worse is that there’s a camera in here. They can watch my every move. I thought about giving whoever is watching me the finger, but I don’t wanna extend my time in this place. I want out. One thing I’m satisfied about is that I got to punch Bob in his stupid face. The fucker deserved it. I hope it leaves a mark.  
A tray of food slipped through a tiny door within the whole actual door. I didn’t even look at it. I’m not eating, and that’s final. I don’t care what it is. All I care about right now is getting out of here and seeing Frank. I wanna give him a big hug and tell him everything’s okay and chase away whatever was frightening him earlier. I swear, this boy will be the death of me one day.  
To pass time, I could take a little nap. Yeah, that’s what I’m gonna do. How else was I supposed to pass time here in this hell hole? I laid down on the floor and curled up in a ball, closing my eyes. Thankfully, it wasn’t long before I slipped into unconsciousness. Thank god for sleep.

_ _ _  
“Okay, Gerard. You can come out now,” said Joshua, waking me up. I immediately sprang up to my feet and jolted out of the room, but was stopped when Joshua grabbed hold of my shoulder. Ugh. What could he possibly want?  
“Hold on, Gerard. We gotta take you somewhere,” he said. It was at that moment that I felt my stomach growl loudly. I suddenly realized how tired and sluggish I felt. I was that malnourished. I think maybe would be a good time to put something small in my stomach to shut it up. I’ll do that when Joshua is done with whatever he wants from me. We walked down the hall together and stopped in front of what I could only guess is the infirmary. Beyond the door awaited a few more attendees and Hayley, who was next to a crude device with a long plastic tube connected to it.  
“Sit down, Gerard,” said Joshua. I did so, sitting down on a plastic chair. If only I had my notebook to ask what’s going on.  
“You do realize that you haven’t been eating anything, right?” asked Hayley. I nodded. “Because of this, we’re going to have to force-feed you Ensure. You are very thin and malnourished,”  
Oh, hell no! Are you fucking kidding me? Is that what the tube is for? There’s no way they’re sticking a tube in me! I won’t allow it.  
I shook my head violently. I’m not gonna let them do anything to me. However, I know that if I resist, there’s a good chance they’ll put me back in solitary confinement. I just can’t win, can I? I guess I really don’t have a choice…  
“Gerard, you have to. You haven’t eaten anything since you got here. We can’t let you starve yourself. If you refuse, you’re going back into solitary confinement,” Hayley said in a warning tone. I sighed deeply, crossing my arms. I really don’t want to go back to that small padded room, but if I let myself get force-fed, I’ll be getting fatter. Lindsey would be disappointed in me. I really, really don’t have a choice, do I…?  
I sighed again, unfolding my arms. I waved at Hayley, letting her do what she needs to do. Hayley grabbed the tube and began to insert it into my nose, making me gag a bit. After that, she pressed a few buttons on the machine, and it began to put a white liquid into me. I gagged some more. This went on for a few more minutes until the machine stopped. I swear I could feel the liquid digest into my stomach, making me fatter. If only they didn’t give me so much of it…  
“All done,” Hayley said. “You gotta promise me that you’ll eat more. I’d really hate to do this to you again,”  
Yeah, sure you wouldn’t…  
I got up from my seat and stormed out of the infirmary, running down the hall and straight into my room. I slammed the door and landed on my bed, letting the tears fall from my eyes. Why does everyone tell me I’m skinny? Whenever I look in the mirror, I see how fat I am. It’s just not fair. I wish Frank was here to comfort me. I miss him so much. I hope he’s not alone and suffering in solitary confinement. I want him to be right here with me and--  
“Gerard?” a familiar voice called out. I looked up to see who it was. I smiled as soon as I saw him. Frank’s back, a concerned look on his face. I ran right up to him and hugged him tightly, making him jump a bit. Oh my god, was I so happy so see him. I probably look bad crying in front of him, but I don’t really care right now. “Gerard, are you okay? What happened?”  
“I missed you!” I yelled, speaking for the first time in god knows how long. “I’m so happy to see you, Frank!”  
“Gerard…,” Frank said, shock on his face. “You’re talking!”  
“They put me in solitary confinement. I got into a fight with Bob. When I got out, they force-fed me. It was terrible, Frank. I’m so happy you’re back,” I replied, smiling ear to ear at him.  
“Really? I was in solitary confinement too. The spider man was coming to get me!” Frank said worriedly. “But I’m back! It’s so good to see you too! What’s even better is that the spider man is gone! Why did you get into a fight with Bob?”  
I sighed deeply. I had to tell Frank the truth, that I cut myself. I’d feel bad lying to someone like Frank, but I didn’t really wanna tell him the truth either. I know he’d be disappointed in me, but I have to tell him. After all, people do say that the truth sets you free. I rolled up my sleeve and revealed my bandaged cut to Frank, looking down in shame. Frank gasped, covering his mouth with his hands.  
“Gerard! That’s not right! Why would you do that to yourself?” he asked.  
“I’m sorry, Frank...I won’t do it again,” I said. I know Frank would want me to get better. I need to make amends to him. I know there’s something wrong with me. If everyone else tells me I’m so skinny, maybe I truly am. Normal people don’t cut and starve themselves. They also aren’t mute and suicidal. I will work on being a better person, just for Frank. “I’ll eat more for you. I won’t cut myself anymore. I’ll speak more. I’ll be better, just for you. I swear,”  
“You promise?” Frank said, giving me that puppy-eyed look. I nodded and smiled. Of course I would improve myself for someone I care about.  
“I promise, Frankie. I promise you,” I replied.  
“You better!” Frank laughed, taking me into another hug. He’s just so warm and smells so good. I don’t ever wanna let go of him… “Come on, group’s gonna start soon,”  
I rolled my eyes and sighed. Of course I gotta go to group, as much as I really don’t want to. But I have to. How else was I gonna work towards getting out of here? How else was I gonna improve myself for Frank? I followed Frank out of our room and made our way to the day room, where group is to be held. I sat down next to Frank in the circle of chairs that was formed. When everyone else arrived, Dr. Haycraft walked inside and sat down, a clipboard in her hand.  
“Hello, everyone,” she said in her overly-cheery voice. “How is everyone? Shall we get started? We’ll do the usual. Say your name, how you feel on a scale of one to ten, why you feel that way, as well as why you’re here. Who would like to go first?”  
Dr. Haycraft was responded to with silence. No one clearly wanted to go first. That was when Frank turned to me, his eyes hopeful. Was I really gonna speak for the first time in group? Yes, I was. I rose up my hand.  
“I’ll go,” I started. “My name’s Gerard. I’m feeling at a six, and I’m here because…,” I stopped. What was I gonna say? That I’m a suicidal anorexic that has a crush on one of the other patients here? No. I just had to spit it out and be honest. “I’m here because of a suicide attempt...and I’ve been starving myself,”  
“It’s good to see you participate, Gerard. Why are you feeling at a six?” Dr. Haycraft asked, a simple smile on her face.  
“Because...even though I’m not in the best mood, I’m still happy to be here,” I replied after trying to decide what to say.  
“That’s great, Gerard. Thank you for sharing,” Dr. Haycraft said, writing down in her clipboard, probably about the progress I’ve been making, no matter how small it may be. I tuned out when group went on. It’s just the same shit on a different day. The only person I give a shit about is Frank, of course. Now all I have to do is keep talking in group, no matter how difficult it may be. If I keep this up, I’ll be out soon...at least, I hope so.

_ _ _  
Dinner came around, and Frank and I grabbed our trays and got in line. Today for dinner, it’s salisbury steak, mashed potatoes, and mixed vegetables with peach cobbler. We both sat down at our usual table. Pete, Patrick, and Brendon joined us, poking at their food. I stared at my tray of food, the contents of it not looking appetizing at all. I just can’t eat any of this. My starvation has gotten so bad to the point where nothing looks good to eat at all. Food in general now makes me visibly cringe. However, I know that if I keep starving myself, the attendees and nurses will force-feed me again. I really don’t have any other choice.  
“Gerard, you gotta eat,” Frank said, chewing a mouthful of mashed potatoes. “If you don’t, you’ll have a tube stuck up your nose and force-feed you. I’d hate to see that happen to you,”  
“It already did,” I said bluntly, swirling my fork around my mixed vegetables. “It was awful,”  
“What? Are you kidding me?” Frank asked, shock in his voice.  
“Yeah, after they took me outta solitary confinement, they force-fed me,”  
“Well...at least now you know what happens when you refuse to eat. Come on, Gee. You said you were gonna eat for me,”  
“I know I did, it’s just…,” I sighed, running a hand through my firetruck red hair. “This doesn’t look appetizing at all. Nothing here looks appetizing,”  
“Please, Gee?” Frank begged, his eyes pleading with me. I picked up my fork and looked where I should start. Maybe the mashed potatoes aren’t that bad.  
“You got this, Gerard. We believe in you,” Patrick said, fork in hand. Beside him, Pete and Brendon nodded in agreement. I smiled a bit, scooping up a bit of mashed potatoes. It’s just food, not cyanide. Get over yourself, Gerard! Just take a bit of the fucking food. You’re doing this for Frank, and for yourself. I slowly brought the food up to my mouth, opening it up, then quickly put the potatoes in it. I think I visibly cringed when the food touched my tongue. I quickly swallowed, my taste buds not tasting the food. Great. I gotta do this several more times now. Not only that, but by doing this, I’m feeding my already fat self.  
“See? You got this,” Frank said, patting me on the back. I smiled forcefully. I really want to make Frank proud of me. I picked up a slice of my salisbury steak and did the same as I did with the potatoes--stare at it for a little, reluctantly open my mouth, and quickly put the food in my mouth, barely tasting it. I repeated this several more times until I realized I’ve eaten half of what’s on my tray. I feel sick. I feel like overate, even though that’s not the case. I just can’t eat anymore.  
“I think I’m done,” I said, pushing my tray away from me.  
“You did good,” Frank said. “I’m sure you’ll eat more as time goes by. Can I have your cobbler?” he asked, pointing to my untouched dessert.  
“Knock yourself out,”  
Frank took the cobbler off my tray and devoured it, leaving crumbs around his mouth. I gotta keep forcing myself to eat as I stay in Monroeville. This clearly isn’t gonna be easy.

_ _ _  
After our nightly group and free time, it was time to go to bed. Before I could get up and head to my room, Hayley stopped me, standing right in my path.  
“Gerard, you gotta take your meds,” she said. I nodded, following her to the nurse’s station. Hayley handed me two pills--one of them small, white and round, the other one a blue and white caplet.  
“Dr. Levin wants to start you on a new medication. It’s called Zoloft. It’s an antidepressant,” Hayley said. I looked down at my pills blankly. That fucker wants to start me on a new medication? Whatever. I just hope it doesn’t have any side effects that’ll be a problem, like weight gain. I put the pills in my mouth and swallowed them down with the small cup of water Hayley gave me. She smiled. “Thank you,”  
“You’re welcome,” I said. I don’t know why I did. I guess that maybe if I communicate with the staff here more, it’ll get me out of this place faster…  
Wait. If I get out of here, that means I won’t see Frank anymore. Goddamnit, why didn’t I think of that? Frank and I are almost inseparable. Based on how Frank is, chances are he won’t be able to leave anytime soon, so I don’t have to worry about him leaving me. However, now that I’m making progress, there’s a good chance that I’ll be leaving soon. I can’t leave Frank behind. Someone needs to be there to protect him…  
I sulked to my room and slammed the door shut, my mind racing. There’s no way I’m leaving Frank. He needs me. Who else was gonna protect him from people like Bob and Jimmy? Who was gonna--  
I felt a pang in my chest when I heard someone crying. I instantly knew who it was, and ran to his aid. Frank laid in his bed, his body sprawled out and tears running from his eyes. I sat down on the bed next to him, putting a gentle hand on his face.  
“What’s wrong, Frank?” I asked.  
“I...I miss him!” Frank cried, sniffling.  
“Who?”  
“Daddy. I hate the fact that I have to be so far away from him. It’s just not fair! I get to talk to him, but I miss him so much! I wanna get out of here!”  
I sighed deeply. I may not know Frank’s dad, but based off what Bob revealed about him, he sounds like a piece of shit, and the worst part is that Frank either doesn’t know that, or he refuses to believe it. I wish I could tell Frank the truth about his dad, but that’s clearly not a good idea right now. All I can do is comfort him right now.  
“I’m sorry, Frankie. I know you miss him,” I said.  
“I just wish he didn’t always get caught up with work. It’s not fair. It’s just not fair! I love him!”  
“I know you do...I know,” I sighed. Frank sat up in his bed, and I rubbed him on the back as he cried into his hands.  
“He never comes to see me. Why? Why does it have to be like this?” Frank asked angrily. I guess the best I can do is go along with it and falsely reassure him that his dad was gonna come see him. Telling him the truth would break his heart.  
“I’m sure he’ll come see you. He said he was gonna come see you one day, right?” I asked.  
“Yeah, whenever I talk to him through the chip implanted into my head, he tells me he will. He’s just always busy with work,” Frank replied, wiping at his face.  
“Well, Frankie...don’t give up hope. I’m sure that day will come soon. You just gotta be patient, that’s all,” I said, a fake smile on my face.  
“I know. I’m just sick of constantly waiting. It’s been so long…,” Frank paused, looking up at me and smiling. “You’ve got pretty eyes, Gee. You know that, right?”  
“Oh...thank you,” I laughed, finding the sudden change of subject funny, but appropriate. “Your eyes are pretty too, Frankie,”  
“If you say so!” Frank said, getting up and nearly tackling me to the bed, his hands tickling my body. I laughed as I tried to fight him off, failing miserably.  
“Stop it! Stop it, Frankie! I can’t breathe!” I gasped, feeling short of breath from all the laughing I’ve been doing. Frank eventually did so, letting me sit up. I yawned, feeling my fatigue get the best of me. “I think I’m ready to call it a night,”  
“Me too. Daddy says I should be well-rested,” Frank said, standing up from his bed and grabbing his pajamas from his shelf. He went into the bathroom to change, and I took off my pants, deciding to sleep in my t-shirt and boxers. When Frank stepped out of the bathroom, he looked at me up and down and smiled. “Sexy as hell,”  
“You too,” I smirked. Frank walked over to the lights and switched them off, walking into his bed and getting under the covers. I did the same, shutting my eyes as I put the covers over me.  
“Goodnight, Gee,” Frank sang.  
“Night, Frankie,” I said. It wasn’t long before I slipped into unconsciousness. Thank god for that, if there even is one...


	8. Seven

After getting outta the shower and getting dressed, I headed to the cafeteria. As I made my way there, I suddenly stopped and looked at the giant calendar hanging up on the wall of the hallway. We’re in the month of April, and I’ve been here for a few days now.  
Wait a minute. If it’s April, then that means…  
Oh god. My birthday is today. I almost forgot about my fucking birthday. How could I have missed that? I’ve lost track of the days since I got here. Every day here is the same, anyway.  
“Hey, Gee!” Frank exclaimed, skipping happily over to me. “Good morning! Whatcha looking at?”  
“The calendar. Today is...my birthday,” I said, hoping that Frank won’t throw me into the spotlight. I shouldn’t have said anything…  
“What? For real? How old are you now?”  
“20,” I said reluctantly.  
“That’s awesome! You’re almost legal!” Frank said. “I’m 19. My birthday is on Halloween!”  
Okay, that’s awesome. That’s like the best day you can have your birthday on. For real.  
“We should tell everyone it’s your birthday!” Frank exclaimed suddenly, running down the hall. I just about collapsed.  
“No!” I yelled, running after Frank into the day room.  
“Guess what, everyone? Today is Gerard’s birthday!” Frank announced to everyone. There was nothing I could do to stop him. The damage has already been done.  
“Oh, really? Happy birthday, Gerard!” Hayley said, smiling at me as she got vitals from a patient.  
“We should sing happy birthday!” Frank said. Everyone in the room nodded in agreement.  
Oh, fuck no…  
“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Gerard. Happy birthday to you!” everyone sang in unison. I swear I could feel myself shrink…  
Frank wrapped me around his arms, giving me a bear hug. I happily accepted it, wrapping my arms around Frank and smiled, despite embarrassing the shit outta me.  
“Congratulations, Gee,” Frank whispered.  
“Thank you,” I said back to him. I really, really like this silly boy.

_ _ _  
I managed to eat a little bit of my breakfast and lunch; about half of each meal. Even though I could have done better, I know Frank is proud of me nonetheless. After group was visiting hours, and I was almost 100 percent positive that Mikey was gonna come see me. My predictions were confirmed when I saw Mikey walk in, smiling at me with a present in his hand.  
“Hey, Gerard. Happy birthday. I brought you a gift. I also baked you a cake, but the people here wouldn’t let me bring it. They’re afraid of it being laced with something, so I guess you’ll have to eat it when you get home,” Mikey said. He suddenly looked at me in a bewildered manner when he noticed I didn’t have my notepad on me. “Gerard, where’s your notepad?”  
“Don’t need it,” I smiled. Mikey just about dropped my gift when he heard me speak.  
“Gerard...you’re talking! Oh my god!” he said shakily. I just laughed and pulled my brother into a hug. “Good to have you back,”  
“Thanks,” I said. Me and Mikey walked together to the cafeteria and sat down. As we sat, I looked into my brother’s eyes and thought about what he said the other day that made me upset. Maybe there was a way I could change Mikey’s mind about Frank…  
It was at that moment when Frank walked in, a piece of paper in his hand. He sat down with us, smiling.  
“Hey, Frank,” I said, turning to Mikey. “Mikey, this is Frank. Frank, this is my brother Mikey,”  
I kinda woulda expected to see Mikey mad at me hanging out with Frank against his wishes, but I guess I was wrong. He happily shook Frank’s hand, introducing himself. I guess it’s because Mikey didn’t wanna ruin my special day. Who knows?  
“I made this for you!” Frank said, handing me the piece of paper. I looked down at it--it’s a crudely drawn picture of us holding hands, both of ourselves drawn in as stick-figures. Art clearly isn’t Frank’s field of expertise, but I still appreciate it nonetheless.  
“Thank you, Frankie. I appreciate it. I’ll see about hanging it up in my room,” I said, holding the picture in my hand.  
“Awesome!” Frank said, giving me a big bear hug, squeezing me in his embrace. Mikey laughed, smiling.  
“So you’re a friend of Gerard?” he asked.  
“Yep. We’re roomies!” Frank replied.  
“That’s cool. It’s good to see someone be there for Gerard, knowing what kind of place you guys are in,” Mikey said, turning to me. “I’m sorry about what I said the other day, Gerard. Friends are important to have here. I’m happy to see you making one, knowing how anti-social you usually are,”  
“Thanks, Mikey. I appreciate it,” I said, giving Mikey a smile. I’m happy that he admitted he was wrong. Frank may not be all that right in the head, but who here isn’t? That’s why he’s here, and that’s why I am here too.  
“Well, why don’t you open this up?” Mikey asked, handing me my present. I nodded and tore at the wrapping paper as Frank watched. I smiled when I saw what it was--a sketchpad with some watercolors. My old sketchpad ran out of paper recently, and the watercolors here are not that good, so this is perfect.  
“Thank you. It’s perfect,” I said, walking outta my seat and up to Mikey, giving him a hug.  
“You’re welcome,” Mikey said, patting my back as he returned my hug. When we parted, he looked back and forth between me and Frank, then settled his eyes onto Frank. “Frank, I think you’ve accomplished something. You’ve made Gerard come outta his social shell a little. Thank you,”  
“You’re welcome, Mikey,” Frank smiled. “I’ll take good care of him for you! Right, Gee?” he asked, turning to me.  
“Yeah, definitely,” I said, even though I personally think that I should be the one taking care of Frank. Oh, well. We’re there for each other, at least.  
“Well, I gotta get ready for work. I’ll try to make some more time to see you, Gerard,” Mikey said, making his way out of the day room as we all walked together.  
“Okay, Mikes. See you later,” I said, bringing Mikey into one last hug before he headed for the exit.  
“See you later, Gerard. Be good now,” Mikey said as he went out the door, leaving me and Frank behind. Frank turned to me, smiling.  
“You’ve got a good brother, Gee. Keep him close to you, okay?”  
“I know. I will, Frankie,” I said. We walked to our room where I put away my new art set. That was when we heard someone crying. At that moment, we both knew who it was. We walked outta our room and found Brendon in the hallway, his face in his hands as he wept.  
“Hey, Brendon. What’s wrong?” Frank asked, putting a hand on his shoulder. “You okay?”  
“What’s it look like?” Brendon asked, sniffling. “I’m not okay,”  
“Why are you crying?” I asked.  
“Because...I miss him!” Brendon replied, crying harder into his hands.  
“Who?”  
“My boyfriend Ryan. He’s gone!”  
“What do you mean he’s gone?”  
“He...he died in a car crash. It’s been three months and I still miss him! I was sent here because of my depression and my constant crying over him. I want out of this place!” Brendon yelled, still sniffling. “Bob and Jimmy won’t leave me alone. They keep rubbing in my face that Ryan’s dead,”  
I looked over to Frank, frowning. I should have known that Bob and Jimmy were behind this. I swear, they can go eat a dick.  
“Fuck those guys,” I said. “I’m sorry about your boyfriend. I’m sure he’s watching over you. It’s okay, Brendon. Things will get better, and I’m sure Ryan would want to see you get better,”  
Brendon smiled sadly, reaching over and giving me a hug. I accepted it, wrapping my arms around Brendon.  
“Group hug!” Frank exclaimed, joining the two of us, wrapping his arms around us. When we parted, Brendon was still smiling.  
“Thank you,” he said.  
“You’re welcome,” I replied. Brendon nodded and walked off, leaving the two of us. Frank smiled at me.  
“You did good,” he said.  
“I did? Thank you,” I replied.  
“Yeah. He needed some reassurance. It hurts to see him so upset. Maybe he’ll be in a better mood at group,”  
“Yeah, maybe,” I nodded. It was at that moment that I yawned, my eyes feeling heavy. I think now was a good time for a nap. “I think I’m gonna lie down for a bit. Feeling pretty tired,”  
“Okay, Gee. I’ll see you around later?” Frank asked. I nodded and waved, heading to our room. I landed on the mattress of my bed and got under the covers. Before I could get comfortable, I heard a knock on the door. Ugh. Who could that possibly be, disrupting me from my beauty sleep?  
“Gerard, Dr. Levin would like to see you,” Hayley said, calling from the doorway.  
What does that fucker want now? Do I really have to see him. Ugh, I swear that staying here is gonna drive me crazy instead of make me better. I reluctantly got up from my bed and followed Hayley out of my room and down the hall to a room. She opened up the door and let me inside. I sat down on a sofa across from Dr. Levin’s desk, where he sat.  
“Hello, Gerard. How are you doing?” he asked, looking over my file. “I heard that today’s your birthday?”  
“Yeah,” was all I said. I just wanna get this over with so that I can go back to my nap. I could feel myself dozing off on the couch now.  
“Well, congratulations. I wanted to talk to you about some of your symptoms you experience,” Dr. Levin said, looking up from his notes. “You recently just started eating more. Can you tell me a little about you not eating when you first got here?”  
“Umm…,” I stuttered, unsure of what to say. How am I gonna explain about me feeling so fat? Do I just tell him that I feel fat every time I eat and that the food here is disgusting? I guess so. What else was I gonna say? “Well...I’m fat, so I limit what I eat. The food here isn’t good, so I don’t eat a lot,”  
“Gerard, you do realize that you’re not fat, right? If anything, you’re the complete opposite,” Dr. Levin replied. “You’re bordering on anorexic,”  
What the fuck is this guy talking about? How the fuck am I “bordering on anorexic”? Has this guy taken a good look at me! I’m as heavy as a beached whale!  
“No, I’m not,” I protested. “I’m fat. Can’t you see?”  
“You may think that, but that’s part of your illness. It seems to me that you suffer from body dysmorphia. Your new medication is supposed to help with that,”  
Body what? What the fuck is that? I furrowed my brow in confusion, hoping for an explanation. Not that it would help me at all, but whatever.  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said bluntly, crossing my arms as my body sunk deeper within the couch’s cushions.  
“Body dysmorphia is, and I quote: ‘a mental illness involving obsessive focus on a perceived flaw in appearance’. You see yourself as fat when you look at yourself, but the truth is that very thin. This new medication you’re on is supposed to help you with that. Let’s talk about some of your other symptoms. Are you feeling suicidal?”  
Ugh. Now this fuckhead wants to talk about my depression and suicidal thoughts? I’d rather not, but what choice do I have? Even though I feel like dying being in this shithole, I can’t say that I outright feel suicidal. Why, though? I think I know why that is, and it’s all because of one person, and his name is Frank. He’s made my stay here in Monroeville less shitty. He manages to put a smile on my face, no matter how bad things may be. I wish I could be with him right now…  
“No,” I said flatly. “No, I’m not,”  
“Well, that’s good. The medication must be working for that, it seems,” Dr. Levin said, writing down some notes. “It seems like you’re doing better. You’re getting up, you’re going to meals and group, and you’re talking to others. I assume you’re also keeping up with your personal hygiene. We’ll give the new medication a few more days, and I’ll see you again that time, okay? Have a good day, Gerard,”  
Dr. Levin waved as I got up and left the room. I know just where I’m going now--back to my room to take that nap. I can honestly say that no matter how annoying Dr. Levin is, he’s right. I have been doing better, but I don’t think it’s because of this stupid new medication I’m on. It’s because I met someone near and dear to me. Frank is the one that motivates me to get better. I get up out of bed because of him. I go to group because of him. I’m still struggling with eating, but I’m doing that because he motivates me to eat. As soon as I entered my room, I got back under the covers and curled up into a ball on my bed, shutting my eyes. I need a nap...now.

_ _ _  
I almost ended up missing dinner. Luckily, Frank woke me up in time for it. I don’t need the staff here to be force-feeding me again if I miss a meal. After dinner was a little bit of free time, then nightly group. I managed to talk a little bit, which I’m sure Dr. Haycraft was happy to see. Anything to get outta this place…  
Wait a minute? I’m a fucking idiot. If I leave, who’s gonna take care of Frank? Who’s gonna be there for him when he has one of his episodes? The attendees, of course...but they get paid to do that, and I don’t think they really give a shit about him. I’m the one that’s looked out for Frank during my whole stay here. Based on how Frank is, he sadly won’t be able to leave Monroeville anytime soon. Someone’s gotta be there for him, and that person is me.  
After the attendees told us it was time for lights out, I headed to my room and got changed into my t-shirt and boxers in the bathroom. I didn’t see Frank after nightly group, so I assumed he went to bed early. As I came out with my clothes, I heard someone crying; someone familiar. I instantly knew who it was and ran up to him in his bed. Frank laid under the sheets, sniffling into his arms crossed over his pillow. I laid down next to him, rubbing his back as he cried.  
“What’s wrong, Frankie?” I asked gently.  
“I had a bad dream,” Frank replied, his voice shaky.  
“Aww, really? What happened?” I questioned.  
“I...I had a dream that I was looking for my dad, and you were there with me...but the spider man was chasing after us, and he killed us!” Frank exclaimed, crying harder into his pillow. Who exactly was the spider man? He certainly wasn’t talking about the superhero. I’ve heard Frank mention this guy before.  
“Who’s the spider man?” I asked.  
“He’s this guy that has spiders come from his hands and mouth. He’s got fangs like a spider and has eight legs like one too!” Frank said, seeming to be animated as he spoke of his imaginary fiend. “Real scary guy, my god!”  
“Well, I’ll chase him away for you next time he shows up. How’s that sound?” I smiled, brushing Frank’s hair from his head. Frank looked up at me as if I just told him he won a million dollars.  
“Really? You would do that for me?” he asked, his voice joyous.  
“Of course, Frankie,”  
“Thank you so much! Can you do me a favor?”  
“What’s that?” I said.  
“Can you...stay with me in bed? Just in case the spider man comes back?” Frank asked, his eyes hopeful. I felt my chest constrict at the weight of what Frank just asked me. Of course I would lie in bed with him. The only thing I’m concerned about are the attendees catching us lying in the same bed…  
You know what? Fuck it. If the attendees end up catching us and I get in trouble for it, then so be it. Frank needs me right now. I nodded and got under the covers as Frank scooched over to give me some room.  
“Yay!” Frank nearly exclaimed as I got into bed with him. I laughed a little, already feeling warm next to Frank. “The spider man isn’t gonna get me next time! I have you!”  
“Yeah, Frank. I’ll scare him off if he comes,” I said, going along with Frank’s delusion, even though I shouldn’t, but the last thing I wanna do is upset Frank. Just as long as he’s not a threat to himself or others, I can continue to play along with Frank’s hallucinations and false beliefs.  
Frank all of a sudden didn’t look well. He looked like something was on his mind. Whatever it was, I wanted to know. I wasn’t going to bed with an upset Frank. I wanted him to be happy as much as I wanted him to be safe.  
“What’s wrong, Frank?” I asked.  
“Oh...nothing,” Frank said, biting his lip.  
“Bullshit. Come on, tell me what’s on your mind,” I said. Frank looked down for a while, seeming like hours rather than minutes. He finally looked back up at me with those hazel eyes I just love so much.  
“You promise you won’t judge me?” Frank asked, his eyes doe-like. What could he possibly be hiding from me that would make me judge him? I’m sure it’s nothing serious...right?  
“I promise, Frankie,” I said.  
“Well...you see, I’ve never kissed anyone before, and I’ve always wanted to experience it...but I never got the chance,” Frank replied. That was when I felt butterflies flutter in my stomach. Frank wants me to kiss him. I certainly didn’t expect him to say something like that. What if the attendees catch us? I would be in really deep shit if that happened. I’ve had experience kissing before; I got that from dating Lindsey. Frank, on the other hand, has no experience, so I can only imagine how awkward it would feel. I would like to kiss him, though. I have wanted to do that since I first saw him, as crazy as it sounds. You know what? I’m gonna do it. I want Frank to have a positive first time kissing someone, and I hope I can do that for him.  
“Well...do you want me to give you that experience of being kissed for the first time? I can certainly provide you with that, if you wish,” I said, smirking a bit.  
“Yes...I do,” Frank replied happily.  
“Okay, then...close your eyes and pucker your lips. I’ll show you what it’s like,”  
“Okay,”  
Frank shut his eyes and did exactly as I said with his lips, waiting for them to be kissed by mine. I slowly leaned in and cupped Frank’s face with my hand, my lips softly landing on Frank’s. Our lips danced graciously as we kissed again and again, our mouths opening up more and more. I could hear Frank moan under his breath, sending chills down my spine. It only made me kiss him harder, my lips pressing up against his as we kissed again and again. I straddled myself on top of Frank, my body above his as we continued kissing. I ran my hands through his smooth black hair as he did the same with my red hair. We kissed for what seemed like ages, and I loved every second of it. Kissing Frank was like being in a romantic ecstasy. It feels different than kissing Lindsey, and that’s obviously because this time I’m kissing a man, but it feels just as good. This is Frank’s first time kissing anyone, and it seems like he’s putting a lot of passion into it, just like me. Damn, this boy is better at kissing than I thought he would be, being a first-timer and all. We soon parted, looking deep into each other’s eyes. The smile on Frank’s face almost made me melt.  
“Wow, that was...incredible,” he exhaled. I smiled back at him, running my thumb across his cheek.  
“It sure was, baby,” I whispered. I left a kiss on his cheek, making him giggle a bit. “You like that?” I asked.  
“Very much,” Frank said. “I didn’t think it would be that...wow, I can’t even describe it!”  
“Well, now you know,” I said, yawning. It was definitely time for me to call it a night. I curled up next to Frank, my body warm and snug next to him.  
“Getting sleepy?” he asked.  
“Mhmm,” I nodded.  
“Okay. Me too, actually,” Frank said, yawning. He wrapped an arm around me, pulling me into him. “Goodnight, Gee,”  
It wasn’t long before I heard Frank snoring. It’s good to know that he’s sleeping with ease and not worrying about this spider man he sees. Just as long as I’m here, he doesn’t have to be afraid. As I’ve said before, someone’s gotta be there for him, and that person is me...and I just kissed him, and he fucking loved it, and so did I.


	9. Eight

Frank’s been acting a little different today; not in a bad way, but still a way to make me curious. He was really giddy when he got up and showered, and is now all smiles and giggles as we got our breakfast in the cafeteria. Today it’s pancakes, sausage links, and fresh fruit. I’ll try to eat the pancakes and fruit, but avoid the sausage, I said to myself. I’ve been improving with eating more food, despite how difficult it truly is. I swear that I gag every time I put food in my mouth, and chewing and swallowing is just as hard. I know that I’m getting fatter with every mouthful of food I put in my body, but I’m doing this for Frank. I promised him I would eat more, and I’m doing just that. Maybe Dr. Levin was right. Maybe I do suffer from some form of body dysmorphia. If everyone is saying I’m skinny as a twig and I see myself as a fatass, then something must be wrong…  
I looked over at Frank, who was talking under his breath and still smiling and giggling as he walked to a table to sit at with his tray of food. I joined him, as I did, I saw Brendon pass by us as he sat down with Pete and Patrick at another table. I smiled and waved, and he did the same back to me. It was good to see him not crying this time. I diverted my attention back to Frank, who laughed and grinned as he shoveled his pancakes into his mouth.  
“What’s so funny, Frank?” I asked, taking a bite of my fruit and holding back my urge to gag.  
“Nothing. I got great news!” Frank announced.  
“Really? What is it?”  
“My dad is gonna come visit me today! He told me through the chip implanted in my head that he’s finally got time off work to see me!”  
I smiled, even though deep down I felt sad for Frank. Based on the bit of information I’ve heard from Bob, Frank’s dad doesn’t seem to be involved with his own son. If anything, he was an abusive piece of shit. But maybe I’m wrong. Maybe Bob lied about Frank’s dad beating him into a coma and being absent. If that’s so, what’s with the giant scar on the side of his head? I do know for a fact that Frank doesn’t have a chip implanted into his head, though. Knowing that that is a lie is just plain old common sense. I didn’t wanna be the one to burst Frank’s happy bubble, so for now I’ll just go along with Frank’s delusions.  
“Really? That’s great!” I said, fake smile still on my face. “I can’t wait to meet him,”  
“I know, right? I really want you to meet him,” Frank replied, finishing up his tray of food in record time. I haven’t even touched my pancakes. It was at that moment I heard a commotion stir up in the room. I looked up to see some attendees tending to Ray, who rocked back and forth with his hands over his ears, his eyes filled with utter terror. I sighed deeply, feeling bad for the poor guy. Ray’s been having these episodes so frequently that I swear it’s tiring the staff here. Now I see why he’s being transferred to Kingwood.  
After eating my fruit and a bit of my pancakes, I gave up forcing myself to eat and followed Frank to group in the day room. We sat down next to each other as we waited for the others to join in. When everyone (except for Ray) sat down, Dr. Haycraft came in and sat with all of the patients, clipboard in her hand.  
“Well good morning, everyone!” she sang. “Well, you guys know the routine. Say your name, how you’re feeling on a scale of one to ten, why you feel that way, and why you’re here. Who would like to go first?”  
Next to me, Frank shot up his hand quickly after Dr. Haycraft spoke, a huge-ass smile on his face. I’ve never seen someone so eager to go first in group.  
“Me, me, me!” Frank exclaimed. Dr. Haycraft laughed.  
“Okay, Frank. You go first,” she said.  
“Yay!” Frank exclaimed. “So my name is Frank, and on a scale of one to ten I’m at a ten, and...I’m here because my mom sent me here, and I don’t know why,”  
“That’s great that you’re feeling good, Frank! Can you tell us why you’re feeling at a ten today?” Dr. Haycraft asked.  
“It’s because my dad is gonna come see me today!” Frank said, glee in his voice. “He finally got time off work so he can come see me today, and I’m really excited about it!”  
“Oh, here we go again,” said Jimmy, rolling his eyes, Bob next to him shaking his head in disapproval. Frank immediately saw this, and the expression on his face dramatically changed from happy to angry.  
“Oh, fuck off! You’re just jealous that no one comes to visit you!” Frank yelled, his voice laced with venom.  
“Now, Frank...we don’t use that kind of language here,” Dr. Haycraft said firmly.  
“Your dad is not gonna come see you. He never will. Your dad is dead!” Bob said mockingly, laughing as he spoke. “Your dad beat you into a coma. He doesn’t love you!”  
“Enough, Bob!” Dr. Haycraft yelled, trying to contain the conflict that was unfolding, but was clearly failing at doing so. Thanks, Bob and Jimmy.  
“Fuck you, Bob! My dad told me he’s gonna come see me! He told me himself he will!” Frank said, no longer the happy self he was minutes ago.  
“Let’s change the subject and move along, okay?” Dr. Haycraft suggested, a few patients nodding in agreement. At that moment, Frank began to lose his steam, sinking back into his chair and no longer having a look of hostility on his face. I put a calming and reassuring hand on his shoulder, squeezing it. When I was sure Frank calmed down, he turned to me and nodded, smiling a bit.  
I tuned out for the rest of group, not listening to what everyone else had to say. I really don’t give a shit about anyone except for Frank, and maybe Brendon too. I decided to listen to him when it was his turn.  
“My name’s Brendon. I’m at a six. I’m here because…,” he paused, his eyes looking like he’s thinking long and hard of what to say. “...because I’ve been depressed and suicidal since I lost him…,”  
Dr. Haycraft nodded silently. I’m assuming she knows who Brendon’s talking about. Surely she has some notes about what Brendon’s always crying about...at least, I think she does. I’m still a little happy that Brendon isn’t crying like he usually has been doing since I first got here. He’s healing.  
“Can you tell us why you’re at a six?” Dr. Haycraft asked.  
“Because...I think of Ryan, and even though I miss him, there’s nothing I can do but look at the good times we’ve had, and knowing that I have those memories makes me happy,” Brendon said calmly, smiling a little.  
“Thank you, Brendon,” Dr. Haycraft said, turning her attention to me since I’m last in the circle. “Gerard?”  
“Yeah,” I replied. “My name’s Gerard. I’m at a five. I’m at a five because...I guess I’m just in a neutral mood. I’m here because…,” I paused, thinking of how to put my words together. I opened up my mouth when I think I found the right way. “...because I am depressed and suicidal, and suffer from an eating disorder,”  
“Thank you, Gerard,” Dr. Haycraft said, writing down some notes on her clipboard. “Well, that wraps up our group for today. You’re all free to go. Our next group will be at ten,”  
Everyone, including me and Frank, got up from our seats and headed out of the day room, while some stayed behind to watch t.v or do whatever else they wanted to do. I dunno what I’m gonna do to pass the time til next group. I’ll think of something.

_ _ _  
I ended up doing some artwork with my new sketchpad and watercolors to pass the time until it was time for us to gather up for our next group. The entire time, Frank would not shut up about him seeing his dad. If only I could tell him the truth, but I can’t. The last thing I wanna do is break his heart. I barely know the truth about Frank’s dad myself. After all, Bob is the kind of guy that enjoys pushing people’s buttons. Maybe Bob’s lying? I hope so.  
Frank and I walked to the day room and sat down next to each other. When everyone else came in and sat down, Dr. Haycraft came in and took a seat, clipboard in her hand as the usual.  
“Welcome, everyone. Why don’t we go around the room introducing ourselves? Just say your name, and...your favorite color, to break the ice!” she said, smiling. I tuned out as the usual, not listening to the other patients say their names and favorite colors. I did, however, pay attention to Frank. My full attention was on him when it was his turn.  
“I’m Frank and I like...green!” he said happily. He then turned to me as everyone’s eyes became focused on me. I was next.  
“My name’s Gerard, and I like…,” I paused. I never knew what my favorite color is. I never cared to think about it. I quickly looked up at my long red hair and decided to just go with that. “My favorite color is red,”  
“Just like your hair!” Dr. Haycraft laughed. “Alright. We’re gonna talk about depression today and how to cope with it. I’m sure a lot of you in this room have struggled with it, so we’re gonna discuss just that,”  
Ugh, really? We’re gonna talk about something that I struggle with pretty much every day? I’m surprised that I’ve been able to get out of bed and shower every day since I got here. There were some days where I was unable to do that. I guess that’s progress, though. Maybe the new medication I’m on works, after all.  
“With that being said, is there anyone that’s willing to share their experiences with depression? You don’t have to if you don’t want to. Just say what you’re comfortable with saying. Any volunteers?” Dr. Haycraft asked, looking around the room. A few seconds later, a hand went up. It was Brendon.  
“I’ll go,” he said.  
“Good, Brendon. Go on ahead,” Dr. Haycraft smiled.  
“Okay...so I’ve pretty much struggled with depression since I was a teenager. I was diagnosed with it when I was in high school. There were some days where I couldn’t get out of bed because I had very low energy and motivation. I also didn’t keep up with my personal hygiene, so doing stuff like showering and brushing my teeth was rare. I also cut out a lot of people from my life. I didn’t talk to anyone because I felt like everyone secretly hated me. I was also suicidal a lot. I always thought of ways I could off myself. I just felt worthless and hopeless all the time. Even when I had Ryan in my life, my depression was still a struggle…,”  
Brendon held his hand over his mouth, his face contorting to a look like he was ready to cry. Meanwhile, my mouth just hung open. Brendon did a perfect job of describing his struggle with depression. I can relate 100 percent. I feel the need to say something. Kudos to Brendon, man.  
“I can relate,” I said, everyone’s head turning to me. “Brendon, you described exactly how it is for me. I’m surprised that I’m able to get out of bed and shower everyday. I guess I’m doing that because I don’t want anyone to give me a hard time about it. But anyway, good for you. I don’t think anyone here can better describe depression better than you,”  
“Thank you,” Brendon said, sniffling a little as he wiped at his eyes.  
“Thank you for sharing, Brendon. That was very brave of you,” Dr. Haycraft said, writing down some notes in her clipboard, like the usual. Suddenly, someone scoffed. We all looked over to see who it was. It was, of course, Bob. He shook his head in disapproval.  
“Got something to say, tough guy?” I asked in the most intimidating tone I could pull off.  
“Get over yourselves. Depression is just a way for people to get attention. Just get over it!” Bob said. It was at that moment I was ready to pummel Bob’s face like I did before. I growled, sitting up from my seat. I felt someone place their hand on my shoulder. I look to see that it was Frank, a look on his face pleading with me to not start another fight. As much as I wanna punch Bob in the face for what he just said, I really don’t wanna go back to solitary confinement. I sighed and sat back down, giving Bob the dirtiest look I could give someone. I wasn’t finished talking, though. I wanted to say more. I wanted to get my point across to everyone.  
“Depression isn’t just a way to get attention. It’s much more than that,” I said. “It’s like this big black hole that you’re stuck in. On the outside you might be fine, but on the inside you’re dying inside. You want everyone around you to let you know you’re okay, so you just fake a smile for them. Depression is something that needs to be treated professionally, and...that’s why I’m here. That’s why Brendon’s here. That’s why a lot of people in this place are here…,”  
I think I just swept everyone off their feet (except for Bob, of course). Everyone except for Bob looked at me with their jaws dropped to the ground, including Dr. Haycraft. I think I did a good job explaining what depression is like, to say the least. I got my point across to everyone.  
“Gerard, that’s…,” Dr. Haycraft said shakily. “That’s a perfect description for depression. Thank you,”  
“You’re welcome,” I replied. Next to me, Frank smiled at me. I returned it, feeling a little accomplished.

_ _ _  
After group, we had an hour of free time, then lunch. Today it was fish n’ chips with coleslaw. I only ate the coleslaw since fried foods are really bad for you. I gave my fried fish and french fries to Frank. After that, visiting hours came around, and that’s when the wait began for Frank’s dad to show up. I knew he wasn’t gonna show up. Anyone should know that. At least, I was almost positive that Frank’s dad wouldn’t show up, assuming what Bob said is true, which I hope isn’t. If it is, then Frank’s dad is a piece of shit and deserves nothing but the worst to happen to him. I so badly wanna tell Frank the truth, but I just can’t…  
I felt my chest constrict when I saw two familiar people walk into the day room. The first one is a woman with permed blonde hair, the second is a tall man with glasses and graying hair. I know who these people are, and I didn’t expect them to see me--it’s my parents. I didn’t know what to say them. I can’t even speak. They haven’t spoken to me since I tried to kill myself. What was I supposed to say to them anyway? I definitely wasn’t prepared for this.  
“Hello, son,” my mom said, looking at me blankly. I could tell she wasn’t thrilled to be here, and neither was my dad.  
“Hi, mom...hi, dad,” I said to my parents, my voice shaky. It wasn’t long before things became awkward, all three of us standing in silence. I so badly wanna disappear.  
“I think we should talk, Gerard. We should find a place to sit,” my mom said, breaking the silence.  
“Oh...yeah, sure,” I said. I walked mom and dad to the cafeteria, where we all sat down at a table. I wish Frank was around. I would feel less on edge then and I would introduce him to mom and dad to show them that I’m making friends. I just hope he’s okay.  
“We have a lot to discuss,” my dad said, with zero emotion in his voice. I just gulped, my whole body visibly shaking. I know I shouldn’t be like this in front of my parents, but for the life of me, I can’t calm down, and I don’t know why.  
“Like what?” I asked reluctantly.  
“What you’ve done to us!” my mom nearly exclaimed, making me jump. “Do you not realize the amount of damage you’ve done to us?”  
I didn’t know what to say; not only because I was almost scared shitless, but because I genuinely didn’t know what my mom had meant. I didn’t know how I affected them by me trying to off myself. My parents are very distant people, and the truth is I don’t have much of a relationship with them. Mom spends her days either at her job at a hair salon or at home sitting on the couch watching tv, while dad is mostly either at work at his office job or out drinking with his friends at bars. It’s not that I outright hate my parents or anything, it’s just that they really don’t want anything to do with me or Mikey, I guess.  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said. “What do you mean by--”  
“You mean you don’t know? Your little incident costed us thousands of dollars! Why would you do that to yourself?” dad said, raising his voice. “Why didn’t you tell us anything? Why didn’t you turn to us if you felt so depressed?”  
I sighed deeply. I did what I did to myself because I lost Lindsey, someone that meant the whole world to me, and no one could help me. It’s not like my mom and dad ever cared for me anyway. They were more worried about work, t.v shows, and going to bars, so who would think I would turn to them when I was hurting and depressed and suicidal?  
“Because…,” I stuttered. I breathed in and out deeply, then regathered myself. “Because you’re never there when I needed you guys. You were both either at work, watching t.v, or hanging with your buddies at the bar,”  
Mom and dad looked absolutely floored, their eyes wide with shock and jaws hanging down to the floor. They looked at each other, then back to me. At that moment, Frank walked into the room and smiled when he made eye contact with me. He rushed over to our table and looked over at my shocked parents.  
“Mind if I sit with you guys?” he asked. Right now may not possibly be a good time, but I love having Frank around me. Besides, I need him right now. I am too scared to face my mom and dad at the moment.  
“Who are you?” my dad asked, a disgusted look on his face as he looked at Frank up and down.  
“I’m Frank. I’m a friend of Gerard. Nice to meet you two!” Frank said, smiling. He was clearly oblivious to the situation that had taken place.  
“Can he leave? This is supposed to be between me, you, and your father!” my mom hissed, clearly annoyed. I shook my head.  
“No. He can stay if he wants,” I said firmly.  
“Ugh...fine,” mom sighed, turning to Frank. “Since you’re staying, I assume you’re aware of what Gerard’s done, right?”  
Frank looked down and bit his lip, looking deep in thought. He then turned to me, then back to my mom, nodding his head.  
“Yes, ma'am. I’m aware. He tried to kill himself...but he failed, thankfully,” he said.  
“But you do know what him attempting suicide costed us, right?” my dad asked, exasperated. “Gerard’s little episode has put us in so much debt! Me working overtime isn’t enough to cover it! Not only that, but he could have died! We were worried sick about him!”  
“Bullshit,” I spat. “All you care about are your friends you see at the bar. You’re barely ever home anyway. You never check in with me to see how I’m doing. You just don’t care, and neither does mom,”  
“We do care! Why do you think we came to see you?” mom asked, dishonesty radiating from her.  
“You came here to guilt trip me! The first thing that came outta your guys’s mouths is the fact that me being sent here costed you a lot of money!”  
Suddenly, it was as if the whole room was put on pause. Everyone was so quiet that you could hear a pin drop. I looked at my mom and dad, who both looked mortified. They were defeated by my words. I have shot them down.  
“Oh, Gerard…,” my mom whimpered, tears leaking from her eyes as she began to cry into her hands.  
“Now look what you’ve done, Gerard!” my father hissed, reaching over to my mother’s aid. “Are you happy now?”  
“Leave him alone! He did nothing wrong!” Frank said angrily, giving dad a dirty look. “You’re the ones that failed him by ignoring him. You didn’t bother to do anything when he was hurting! You’re the ones that should be ashamed!”  
I looked over at Frank in shock. I couldn’t believe he said that...but he did! Mom and dad also looked at him, completely stunned. My father shook his head, putting a supporting hand on mom’s shoulder.  
“I think we should leave,” he said bitterly. My mom nodded, still in tears. “You and Frank have got a lot of nerve to talk to us like that,”  
“Whatever,” I spat, crossing my arms. I wanted nothing to do with them. My own mom and dad deep down didn’t care for me, despite trying to convince me that they did. They’ve never been there for me in my times of trouble. I bet they don’t even care that I tried to kill myself. All they cared about was the money, and they only came here to guilt trip me. Hell, if I ended up dying, I’m sure that they’d be happy that I won’t be a bother to them anymore. Mom and dad stood up, preparing to leave me and Frank behind.  
“Don’t bother calling us, Gerard. We’re gonna tell Mikey about how you’ve treated us. Goodbye,” dad said before he walked out the door with mom. They walked down the hall and left out the door that lets the staff and visitors in and out, leaving just the two of us together. I turned over to Frank, who still looked like he was fuming with anger.  
“They had no right to talk to you the way they did,” he growled. He breathed out deeply, losing his steam. “Sorry, Gee,”  
“It’s...it’s fine,” I sighed. Deep down, there was a part of me that regretted treating my mom and dad the way I did during our little visit. It’s not that I hate them or anything like that. Maybe I was too harsh on them. After all, they’re the ones that raised me and put a roof above my head, amongst other things. Maybe I shouldn’t have done what I did to them. It’s too late for that now, though. They probably hate my guts now. I slammed my fist down on a table, the loud bang echoing throughout the room. “Goddamnit,”  
“Gee…,” Frank said, putting a hand on my shoulder. I turned over to him. I shouldn’t be lashing out in front of him. He doesn’t deserve it.  
“Sorry…,” I said, deciding that we should go sit down somewhere, probably in the day room. “Let’s get outta here,”  
“Okay,” Frank said, following me to the day room. We sat down on one of the couches and watched a hockey game on the t.v. I turned and got a good look at Frank. His head was down as he muttered under his breath, like he was talking to someone. It wasn’t long before he looked back up at me, a frown on his face.  
“I don’t think my dad is coming to see me…,” he said, looking defeated. “He must’ve gotten busy with work,”  
“Oh...I’m sorry,” I said, feeling sad for Frank. All he wants is to see his dad…  
“But you know what? I don’t think my dad is gonna come to me...I gotta come to him,”  
Wait...what?  
“What do you mean?” I asked.  
“I gotta find him, and you’re the one that’s gonna take me to him!” Frank said, smiling. “We gotta get outta this place somehow and find my dad!”  
I really don’t know what to say. Frank wants me to help him find his dad. He wants me to escape with him. This isn’t right, but I don’t wanna tell him that. If Bob’s right about Frank’s dad, then I don’t want Frank to know the truth about him. I just smiled at him and nodded. I can’t let him know the truth about how I feel.  
“Okay, Frankie,” I said. Frank’s smile grew wider as he hugged me tightly, squeezing me in his embrace. I hugged him back, rubbing his back. I know what I’m going to do.  
I’m gonna find out the truth about Frank’s father.


	10. Nine

As I got up out of bed and took a shower, I thought about who I was gonna ask about Frank’s dad. I know to avoid Bob, knowing the asshole he is. I could try one of the staff, but they might not want to tell me anything because it’s their job to keep every patient’s stuff confidential. That leaves me with the option to ask one of the patients, but who else besides Bob knows anything? There’s gotta be somebody...but who?  
I got dressed and headed to the cafeteria to get in line. Before I did, I looked behind me and noticed that Frank was still sleeping. Now’s a good time to go ask around. I don’t want him to be asking me what I’m doing. I smiled and nodded, turning to the door and shutting it behind me as I walked down the hall to the cafeteria. I got in line with a tray in my hands and got myself scrambled eggs, bacon, and toast. I’m staying away from the eggs; they do not look appealing at all. After putting some jelly on my toast, I sat down alone at a table and took a bite of my bacon. I turned to see that someone was standing near me--it was Ray, holding a tray of food.  
“Can I sit with you?” he asked.  
“Sure,” I nodded. Ray sat down next to me and began to eat his food. That’s when I realized that now would be a good time to ask if he knew anything. Maybe Ray knows a few things about Frank’s dad...at least, I hope he does. “Hey Ray, can I ask you something?”  
“Yeah, what?”  
“Do you happen to know anything about Frank’s dad? Or just anything about Frank?”  
“Oh yeah, I do. Almost the whole damn place does,” Ray said, munching on his toast.  
“Really? How does almost everyone know?”  
“Shit here spreads like wildfire. Maybe someone got into Frank’s files and decided to share it. I dunno who, though,”  
“So what can you tell me about him and his dad?”  
“Are you sure you wanna know? I don’t think you’ll be very happy hearing it,”  
“Yes, tell me!” I demanded. “I don’t care if it upsets me. I need to know,”  
“Okay then,” Ray shrugged. “Well...you know how Frank keeps going on about talking to his dad through the supposed chip that was implanted in his head? You know that scar on the side of his head?”  
“Yeah,” I nodded.  
“Well, the whole chip thing is a lie, obviously. That scar came from when Frank’s dad beat him up so bad that he put him in a coma,”  
My stomach dropped. So Bob wasn’t lying after all. I wished he was. I wish right now that if Frank’s dad is still alive that he’s suffering in prison, or at least just in a really bad place in his life. I just couldn’t picture someone hurt somebody like Frank. How heartless of him.  
“Oh my god...that’s awful…,” I said.  
“It is. His dad isn’t alive anymore, which Frank refuses to believe. He died of alcohol poisoning,” Ray said, finishing up his toast. “Frank’s mom keeps trying to tell him the truth about his father, like how he was abusive and all, but he refuses to believe her. He also doesn’t believe that he’s dead. The concussion that he got wiped his memory of all his dad’s done to him. Frank’s dad died while Frank was in a coma from the concussion,”  
“Okay, so you basically what you’re telling me is that Frank’s dad used to abuse him, and he gave Frank a concussion which made him forget everything. So while Frank was in a coma, his dad died from alcohol poisoning. So then when Frank woke up, he pretty much started to believe he could talk to his dad through this supposed chip in his head?”  
“Yeah, pretty much. His poor mom, who tries to tell him the truth about his dad, was always threatened to be killed by Frank, and that’s why he was sent here,”  
“Oh...well, that explains a lot,” I said, sighing. Now that I know the truth about Frank and his past with his father, I know why he’s here. My searching is now finished. I now know that Frank is a truly sick and delusional man. I knew from the start that something was wrong with him, but I didn’t know what exactly. I have to give my deepest thanks to Ray for telling me all about Frank. “Thanks, Ray. I appreciate you telling me about…,”  
I paused when I got a good look at Ray. He held his hands over his ears as his head hung down, his whole body shaking uncontrollably. I knew what was happening, and the best I could do is let the staff know; Ray was having one of his anxiety episodes. I got up and grabbed an attendee I found walking down the hall and told him what was happening to Ray, and he immediately grouped up with a couple more attendees, and they all ran to Ray’s aid.  
I walked down to my room and saw that Frank was still in bed. I decided to let him sleep in. I don’t wanna be a bother to him. If only he knew and accepted the truth about his father. There’s gotta be a way to convince him, but I’m too scared to be that person. It’s because I’m afraid of how he’d react. I don’t want him to be angry with me. I care for him too much to be that way towards me. Maybe someone else will be that person to try to get the truth through to him. But who?

_ _ _  
None of us saw Ray at group. Word got around that he got sent off to Kingwood. Supposedly that place is well known for being really good with people that suffer from stuff like PTSD and anxiety. I wish the best of luck to him. When group started, we all saw that there’s a new guy. I felt bad for the guy, honestly. Everyone’s eyes were on him, scanning him up and down. Why can’t they just leave the poor guy alone? I could tell he was very uncomfortable being here, his head hung down and long black hair obscuring his face and legs shaking as his arms sat crossed. He clearly didn’t wanna be here. When it was his turn to introduce himself, Dr. Haycraft turned to him.  
“Nick, do you care to share a little bit about yourself?” she asked him. Ahh, his name’s Nick. Okay. Cool. He nodded, still looking down at his quivering feet.  
“I’m Nick. Nick Matthews,” he said shakily.  
“How do you feel on a scale of one to ten?” Dr. Haycraft questioned.  
“Umm…three,” Nick said after staying silent for a bit.  
“Do you wanna share why you feel that way?” Dr. Haycraft asked poor Nick, trying to milk out as much information out of this kid that’s clearly not happy to be here. I would start to get fed up if I were him.  
“Because...I just got here...and I’m really nervous,” he said, looking like he’s really struggling to keep his cool.  
“Now, do you want to share why you’re here?” Dr. Haycraft asked the poor shaking boy.  
“It’s because…,” Nick paused, swallowing hard. “I am depressed and suicidal...and I tried to kill myself,”  
The whole room went eerily quiet after Nick spoke. Dr. Haycraft nodded, writing down in her clipboard. I couldn’t help but feel bad for Nick. He’s here for one of the same reasons I’m here. He’s clearly terrified of being here. This has gotta be his first time being in a place like this. I need to talk to this guy and reassure him that things will get better as time goes by.  
“Thank you, Nick,” Dr. Haycraft spoke. After a few more other people introduced themselves in the circle of plastic chairs, Dr. Haycraft let us go. I stood up and walked straight to Nick, whose eyes were still on the floor and whole body was shaking. I sat down in the blue plastic chair next to him.  
“Hey,” I said, smiling a little.  
“Hi,” Nick said quickly, looking over at me for a few seconds, then back to the ground. Talking to this guy is gonna be a challenge…  
“I’m Gerard. Nice to meet you,” I said, holding out my hand. Nick looked at it and reluctantly shook it, his hand barely wrapped around mine. His hand quickly retreated, his arms still crossed.  
“You too,” he said quickly.  
“I know being here might be terrifying, but it’s actually not that bad once you get settled in,” I replied honestly. “First few days it’s gonna feel weird, but soon enough you’ll get used to it,”  
“Oh...okay,” Nick said, not bothering to make eye contact with me. I sighed, knowing that there’s nothing I could do to get Nick outta his anti-social bubble. I guess the best I can do is give the kid some space, let him get a feel for this place on his own. I nodded and walked away, retreating to my room to grab my watercolors and sketching pad to pass the time with painting. As I walked down the hall, I peeked into the day room, I spotted Frank sitting with Pete and Patrick on the couches, watching some sitcom. I think it’s Seinfeld. Frank looks clearly happy to be with the two guys. I remember Frank would usually follow me like a lost puppy when I first got here. I didn’t mind Frank following me around at all; I’m just happy to see him with somebody else. As I looked at Frank, I thought about how I’m gonna tell him the truth about his dad. He’s gotta know the truth, and now I have decided that I’m gonna be the one that’s eventually gonna tell him, whether he likes it or not. It’s for his own good that he knows what kind of person his dad was.

_ _ _  
I stared down at the food on my lunch tray, wondering if I’m gonna be able to eat anything off it. Today it’s BBQ pulled pork sandwiches with french fries and mixed vegetables. I’m definitely staying away from the french fries; too much fat, especially since it’s a fried food. Maybe I’ll eat half of my sandwich and all of my mixed vegetables. That should be good enough for the attendees to record. I found Frank at the usual table we sit at and sat down with him. He was looking down at his food, a frown on his face. Something clearly was bothering him.  
“Hey, there,” he nodded to me, stirring his fork around in his vegetables.  
“Hey, what’s up?” I replied.  
“Not much…,” Frank sighed, discontent clear in his voice. “My mom’s gonna be visiting me today,”  
“Hey, that’s great!” I smiled, trying to brighten the mood.  
“Not really,” Frank said flatly.  
“Why not?”  
“Because my mom is a liar and a cheater. She cheated on daddy, and I hate her for that,”  
“Oh...I’m sorry,” I muttered, unsure of what to say. What did I know about Frank’s mom anyway? I don’t blame her for cheating on his father though, based on what Ray told me about him. As I ate my sandwich, I looked up and noticed that Nick was standing near our table, a tray of food in his hands.  
“Can I sit here?” he asked.  
“Sure, go ahead,” I said. Nick sat down across from me and Frank and stared down at the food on his tray. As he did, I thought of what to say to him. Maybe I should ask him how he’s getting used to this place? Or maybe--  
“Thanks for talking to me earlier about getting used to this place. It’s not so bad here. I appreciate it,” Nick said, smiling a bit.  
“Oh, no problem,” I said, smiling back. “Good to see you getting used to this place. It takes a while for some people,”  
“I know. I’ve transferred from Kingwood. Things over there weren’t working out there,” Nick said as he ate a forkful of his vegetables.  
Wait a minute...Kingwood? That’s where Ray got transferred to. I wished I got the number of that place so that I could talk to him. Poor guy needs some company. Maybe I can get the number from Nick? Maybe he has it. It doesn’t hurt to see.  
“I know someone that got transferred there. Do you happen to have the number for that place? I wanna call and talk to him,” I said.  
“I do, actually. It’s somewhere in my papers. I can give it to you after lunch,” Nick replied.  
“Sweet, thanks. Why did you get transferred here?” I asked out of genuine curiosity.  
“I was being treated for my depression there. I got sent there after I tried killing myself. My depression wasn’t getting any better there and I’ve been staying there for about a couple months. Supposedly this place is really good at treating people with depression, so I got sent here,”  
“Ah, I see,” I nodded.  
“What’s your name?” Frank asked Nick from across the table.  
“I’m Nick. And you?”  
“I’m Frank. Nice to meet you,”  
“You too,”  
Together, we all sat and ate as we talked about whatever came to our minds; the talk mostly consisted of stuff like art, music, and good movies we saw recently. I did feel tempted to bring up some juicy gossip about some of the other patients here, but quickly decided against it. I don’t know if Nick is the kind of guy to gossip, plus gossiping is just downright mean anyway. I don’t wanna be that kind of person.

_ _ _  
After lunch, visiting hours came by. I got a call from Mikey, telling me he won’t be able to stop by and see me since he’s got errands to run. He promised me that he’ll come by tomorrow, though. I wasn’t at all upset that I wasn’t gonna get any visitors. It’s only for one day anyway. I looked over at a table in the day room and saw that Nick was talking to a couple of guys that I could only assume to be some friends of his. I then looked over at Frank, who sat all alone on a sofa, rocking back and forth in his seat. He clearly didn’t look okay. Something was bugging him. I walked over to him and sat down next to him, putting a hand on his back.  
“You okay, Frankie?” I asked him.  
“I’m waiting,” Frank said.  
“For who?”  
“Daddy,”  
I sighed deeply. Of course Frank would be doing that. Now is not the time for me to tell him the truth about his dad; there’s a better time and place for that. I don’t wanna risk Frank getting mad and making a scene in front of a bunch of visitors. I suddenly heard a very loud clicking of heels coming into the day room. Frank and I looked up to see a dark-haired woman wearing a pair of jeans with a cardigan over a blouse. Frank’s eyes grew wide with shock when he saw this person.  
“Mom! What the fuck are you doing here?!” Frank nearly screamed, eyes bulging out of his sockets.  
“Shh, Frank. I came here to visit you!” his mom hissed. “Aren’t you happy to see me?”  
“No, I’m not! Why are you here?” Frank asked, venom laced in his voice.  
“I just told you!” his mom sighed. “Frank, you gotta listen to me. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again--your dad isn’t who you think he is--”  
“Bullshit!” Frank spat. “You’re the one that’s a liar and a cheater! I know because I talk to daddy through the chip in my brain!”  
“Oh my god, Frank…,” Frank’s mom sighed. “For the millionth time, there’s no chip in your brain. That voice that you hear in your head? That’s not your dad. It’s not real. Your father is dead. Your father was the one that cheated on me, Frank. He’s the one that left us after he beat you into a coma. Why can’t you just accept the truth?”  
“Because it’s not the truth! Why don’t you prove to me that dad’s dead and was a cheater? Because he’s neither of those things! You’re a fucking liar, mom! I wish I succeeded in killing you! I hate you!” Frank yelled, getting up from his seat and storming out of the room. He surely made a few heads turn. I looked back to Frank’s mom, who was now crying, a tissue in her hands wiping her tears. I felt my heart sink for her. She doesn’t deserve this kind of treatment from her delusional son. I know that all she’s trying to do is have her son know the truth about his piece of shit father. She only means well for him. I sat down next to her, putting a supporting hand on her shoulder as she cried and sniffled into her crumpled up tissue.  
“I’m sorry. I really am,” I said. “I know you’re just trying to help him. I know he’s delirious. He needs help,”  
“I just want him to understand the truth,” Frank’s mom replied shakily. “I want him to know what kind of monster his dad was,”  
“I know he is a monster. He hurt your son,”  
“He hurt the both of us on a regular basis. He...he would beat me and Frank when he had his drinking fits...then one day, he put Frank into a coma,”  
“I know. I already know what happened to Frank, especially when he woke up and thought his dad was a good person. I’m sorry,”  
“Don’t be sorry,” Frank’s mom shook her head. “It’s not your fault,”  
“I know, Mrs. Iero, it’s just that--”  
“Please, just call me Linda,”  
“Oh, okay,” I nodded.  
“Anyway, so you know how Frank was when he woke up?”  
“Yeah, how he believed he could talk to his dad through the chip in his head, which is obviously a lie,”  
“Yes. But do you know that he kept trying to kill me?”  
“No, not really. I do know that he said something about you sending him here, if I’m not mistaken,”  
“Yes, um...what’s your name?” Linda asked.  
“Gerard,”  
“Oh, Gerard. Okay. So, yes...I did have to send him here. He’s attempted to kill me several times. I just couldn’t handle it,”  
“I don’t blame you. I know you want your son to get well,”  
“I do,” Linda nodded. She looked at the time on her watch. “I should probably get going. I don’t think Frank is gonna talk to me,”  
“I’m sorry. I can try talking to him. He talks to me all the time. We’re kinda like buddies,”  
“Don’t worry about it. I just came here to check up on him. He may be sick, but...I still love him,”  
“I know you do,” I smiled sadly. Linda got up from her seat.  
“Well, Gerard...it was nice meeting you,” she said.  
“You too, Linda. Take care,” I said as Linda walked away. I then retreated to my room, where I found Frank on his bed, crying into his pillow. I sighed and walked up to him, sitting down on his bed and rubbing his back.  
“Frank…,” I said.  
“I hate her!” Frank growled. “I really hate that bitch! She’s a liar and a cheater!”  
I really didn’t know what to say. If I told him the truth, it would not go well. I don’t want Frank to lash out at me like he did to Linda. Like I said before, there’s a better time and place to tell Frank the truth about his father.  
“Frank...you still shouldn’t treat her like the way you did,”  
“But she’s a liar and a cheater! She cheated on daddy! Why shouldn’t I treat her the way I do?”  
Again, what do I say? Nothing I can say to him will convince Frank that he’s wrong. He’ll just keep on going back to the fake and stupid chip in his brain that’s used to talk to his late dad. He’s that delirious and sick. It’s sad, really. I feel bad for both him and his mom.  
“You know what, Frank? Let’s not talk about it anymore, okay?” I said, rubbing Frank’s back. “Let’s just lie here and forget everything. Let’s take a break from fucked up,”  
“That’s a good idea,” Frank replied, his tone of voice calmer than before. He cuddled up next to me, his body all curled up in a fetal position next to me. I combed my fingers through his hair as he laid his head on my chest. I shut my eyes as I silently laid with Frank, not having a care in the world. As soon as I started to get comfortable, Frank perked up his head.  
“What is it, Frankie?” I asked.  
“Gee...can I ask you something?” Frank whispered.  
“Ask away,”  
“Can I...kiss you?”  
At that moment, I felt the butterflies flutter in my stomach once again. I looked deep into Frank’s hazel eyes that take me to another world, and smiled as they hypnotized me. Of course he can kiss me. He can kiss me all he wants.  
“Yes,” I said. “Kiss me, you animal,”  
Frank grinned, and closed in on me, his lips meeting with mine. I cupped my hand on to Frank’s cheek, my hand running through his hair again. Frank then straddled himself on top of me and kissed me repeatedly, moaning under his breath. Right now, there isn’t a better place for me to be. I’m already in the perfect place with Frank, and I don’t plan on leaving it anytime soon tonight.


	11. Ten

To my surprise, Frank got up earlier than I did today. I heard him get into the shower as I slept. I managed to get up right before breakfast, but I thankfully had enough time to shower as well. After getting dressed, I walked down to the cafeteria, where I found Frank with his tray of food. However, he wasn’t at our usual table with Nick. After getting my food, I walked over to the table where Frank sat by himself and sat down.  
“Why aren’t you sitting at our usual table? Did Nick do something wrong?” I asked.  
“No, he didn’t. I’m sitting here because I wanted to talk to you in private,” Frank replied, eating a mouthful of turkey bacon.  
“Oh? About what?”  
“You gotta promise me you won’t tell anyone?” Frank whispered, leaning closer to me over the table. I nodded my head, bringing my head closer to him to listen.  
“I’m listening,” I whispered back to him.  
“I’m sitting alone with you because...I wanted to talk to you about the escape plan I came up with so I can find my daddy,”  
What?!  
Okay, that came outta nowhere. Escaping? Seriously? No fucking way. I can’t escape from this place. What if we get caught? I’m not risking going back into solitary confinement, or whatever worse punishment this place has for people trying to escape. Even if we do manage to escape, what’s the point? Frank’s dad is dead! I obviously can’t tell that to Frank. It would shatter his heart and soul. But I have to tell him that I’m not escaping. I’m here to get better. I’ve been so resistant to care in the beginning when I was first admitted here, but I’ve come to terms that I have a problem, and I need help. I am not gonna throw out all the progress I’ve made and escape with Frank. He needs to know that he’s sick and needs help.  
“Frank...I can’t,” I said. “It’s too much to risk,”  
“But Gerard...I know a way we can escape! We can get out through the doors that let the visitors in and out of. Just listen to me!” Frank hissed, loudly whispering. “You gotta escape with me! I can’t do this alone!”  
“No, Frank. You don’t understand,” I said firmly. “We need to stay here in order to get better. I’m not gonna throw away all the progress I’ve made and attempt to escape. Besides, what if we get caught?”  
“No, we won’t! Trust me, Gerard! You gotta listen to me! You gotta escape with me!” Frank pleaded, his eyes desperate and pleading with me, having that puppy look to them. I wasn’t buying it, though. I shook my head.  
“No, Frank. You need to realize that you and I both need help like everyone else here. I’m not escaping with you,”  
Frank’s face slowly went through a phase of contortions from shock, to sadness, to anger. He violently stood up from his seat, towering over me from where I stood and glared at me coldly.  
“I just can’t believe you. I thought I could trust you!” he yelled, making everyone’s head in the cafeteria turn to him in curiosity of the confrontation that was taking place. “You know what, Gerard? Fuck you. Fuck you for turning against me!”  
“I’m not trying to turn against you!” I said, standing up to face Frank. It really hurt what he just said, and it made my heart sink into my stomach. “I’m trying to help you! You’re sick. You need help!”  
“No, I don’t!” Frank screamed, pushing me with a harsh amount of force, making me nearly fall back. He inched closer to me, throwing his fists at me. I kept backing away, covering myself in defense. It wasn’t long before a couple attendees came rushing towards us, separating us and holding us back from each other.  
“Knock it off!” one of them yelled, holding down a violent and thrashing Frank, taking him out of the cafeteria. My heart broke into pieces as I watched the attendees drag Frank away from me, and most likely taking him into solitary confinement. Even though he hurt me both physically and emotionally, I wish I could hold him and soothe him from whatever nightmare was taking place in his head. I looked away as tears began to run from my eyes, unable to witness Frank being dragged away from me.

_ _ _  
I didn’t see Frank at morning group or the group we had at ten. It felt so different having him absent. It hurt too. I wonder if he regretted getting physical with me. I regretted shooting down his plans to escape. If I went along with it, he wouldn’t have gotten mad at me. But I had to tell him how I truly felt. If I didn’t, he would have made me go through with his escaping plot, and escaping from this place is something I don’t plan on doing. As much as I hate this place, the people that work here such as Dr. Haycraft were right. Recovery is vital, and I truly do want to overcome my depression and eating disorder, just like I want Frank to overcome his delusions.  
At our ten o'clock group, we had a new person arrive. His name is Max, and despite being a newbie here, he was surprisingly social and open about the reasons he’s here. On top of suffering from depression and alcoholism, he was trying to get off his addiction to heroin. The poor guy was a shaking mess the whole time he talked though; it most likely is from the drug withdrawal he’s going through. I welcomed him to sit at me, Frank, and Nick’s table at lunch, which he graciously accepted. Today for lunch, it’s grilled cheese sandwiches with tomato soup, as well as a side of grilled vegetables. I actually am very fond of grilled cheese, so I managed to eat everything off my plate for the first time since I’ve been here. Hell, I even drank all my milk too. Hayley walked up to our table and looked down at my now empty tray.  
“Gerard, you ate everything off your plate! Great job !” she said happily. Great. What do I get, a gold star?  
“Gerard, I just remembered something,” Nick said as Hayley walked away. “I don’t think you’re gonna be very happy to hear this,”  
“What is it?” I asked.  
“I overheard the nurses earlier. They’re transferring Frank to a different facility,”  
“What?” I nearly yelled, my heart skipping a beat. “Are you serious? You’ve gotta be kidding me,”  
“No, it’s true. We both heard it,” Max said. At that moment, I nearly felt myself faint. I know Nick and Max wouldn’t lie to me. What reason would they do that anyway? Frank was actually gonna be admitted to a different institution? Where the fuck is he going to be put into? Wherever it is, I don’t want him to go. If he leaves, I’ll never get to see him again. Never have I thought that I grow a connection so strong to someone in this godforsaken place. Frank may hate my guts right now after what I told him. But now, when he gets outta solitary confinement, I need to see him. I need to tell him that I’m sorry for shooting down his plans of escaping. I must know what I need to do in order to stay with the person I care about--I need to escape with Frank.

_ _ _  
Frank didn’t get out of solitary confinement until it was time for dinner. I found him in the lunch line and rushed over to him, cutting in front of a few patients that started to cuss me out for cutting in line. Frank clearly didn’t wanna look at me; he hung his head down, his eyes staring down at the ground.  
“Frank, I’m sorry,” I said. Frank didn’t utter a word. “Frank, please listen to me. I’m sorry about what I said earlier. I was wrong. Please, just forgive me,”  
Frank shook his head, crossing his arms as he continued to look down at his feet. I sighed deeply, already frustrated. I wasn’t getting anywhere with this. I need to say something that will convince him to talk to me again. I care for him too much to have him ignore me.  
“Frank, I’ll escape with you! I’ll help you find your dad!” I nearly yelled, covering my mouth when I feared that someone might have heard us. I really hope no one did. Frank looked up at me, his lips agape and eyes widened.  
“You...you will?” he asked shakily. I shook my head. Frank smiled from ear to ear.  
“Yes, Frankie. I’ll help you find him. I’ll escape this hell hole with you,” I whispered, smiling back at him.  
“Gerard,” Frank said, patting me on the back. “You have made a great choice,”  
“I know,” I laughed. I was so happy beyond words to have Frank back. His silence was killing me.  
“I’ll share my plan with you when we get to the table. We’ll sit with Nick and that new guy. What’s his name?” Frank asked.  
“Max. Max Green,” I said.  
“Ah, cool. His last name is my favorite color,” Frank giggled. We headed over to our table and sat down, where Nick and Max sat and ate their food. I looked down at the food on my tray--today it’s roasted turkey, green beans, and mashed potatoes. Thankfully, the food looks familiar and easy to eat. I think I’ll be able to eat at least most of the food on my tray.  
“Nick, Max, we need your help,” Frank said, eating his mashed potatoes. “Nick, you remember what I said earlier?”  
“Yeah, you said something about wanting to escape?” Nick asked. A perplexed look came onto Max’s face, his whole body twitching and quivering from his withdrawal symptoms.  
“You guys plan on escaping?” he questioned.  
“Yeah, me and Gee. I’m being transferred to Clayton Heights. That’s where the keep the criminally insane,” Frank said with a sense of dread in his voice. “I’ll never let them take me alive!”  
“How are you guys gonna plan on escaping? Why do you need our help?” Max asked, looking at me and Frank quizzically.  
“That’s where you guys come in. Just let me explain,” Frank said. “You and Nick are gonna be the decoys for the attendees while me and Gerard try to get through the main door where they let the visitors in and out of. When visiting hours start after dinner, we’ll get through the doors while you and Nick make a scene. It can be anything, like a fight, some kind of struggle that’ll keep the attendees occupied. I’ve heard through some of the workers here that there’s a set of stairs we can take down to the main lobby and out the building. After that, we climb over the fence and...we’re free!” he exclaimed, his whole body animated with joy.  
“Seems legit. I’ll be happy to help. Max, what about you?” Nick asked, looking over to Max.  
“I dunno,” Max shrugged. “Seems risky. What’s in it for us?”  
“You’re getting ahead of yourself there, my friend,” Frank said, reaching into his pockets. “If you help us bail out, I’ll give you guys these,” he sang, holding up two boxes of cigarettes. Both Nick and Max’s eyes widened.  
“Oh, fuck yes! I need a smoke badly! I’ll help you guys out!” Max nearly exclaimed.  
“Great! So what we’ll do is that we’ll all meet up at the front room at six, when visiting hours start. When we do, Nick, Max--you guys start a scene. Make it very dramatic! When you guys do that, we’ll be on our way out. I’ll give you your cigarettes when it’s time, and you guys will later enjoy your smoke breaks!”  
“Where did you get those?” Nick asked.  
“Snagged ‘em off Jimmy. Cocksucker still doesn’t know I’m the one that took ‘em from him. Thank fuck he got sent to Clayton Heights. One less asshole to deal with here,” Frank chuckled.  
“Wait, that’s the guy that keeps saying he’s the antichrist, right? He gave me a swirly yesterday, the bastard,” Nick sighed.  
“We’re all bastards here, Nick. But we’re not like everyone else here. We’re fantastic. We are fantastic bastards,” Frank said, crossing his arms and leaning back in his seat. All four of us chatted about fuck all and finished up our food. When we finished, we departed from Nick and Max to give us time to prepare for our escape. I can’t believe this is actually gonna happen. We are gonna escape. We are gonna get outta this hell hole. I looked up at the clock. It is quarter to six. Visiting hours were starting. I watched as an older couple came in through the front door, the door shutting behind them. I looked over to Frank, who was with Nick and Max. He handed the each of them one box of the cigarettes he stole from Jimmy and talked with them for a few moments. Nick and Max nodded, and walked off. At that moment, chaos erupted; Nick literally bitch-slapped Max across the face, making him revolt. He then began to scream as he tugged at poor Max’s long dark hair, Nick’s body straddled on top of Max’s. At that moment, a herd of the attendees rushed over to the fighting duo, struggling to separate the two. I looked over to Frank who was right near the front door.  
“Gerard, now!” he yelled, dashing through the door as another more younger couple stepped through. I ran right behind Frank, running for my life.  
“Shit!” yelled one of the attendants, dashing after us out the door. Frank reached for a door and opened it, and ran through it. It was the stairs, just like he mentioned earlier. I ran right behind Frank, the attendee right behind us. We rushed through the stairs and reached the door at the bottom floor, with Frank opening it. Together, me and Frank ran past the lobby and out the front door. I tried to keep the attendee off of us, my heart in my chest pounding and my lungs huffing and puffing as I ran for my goddamn life. We ran outside, the cool air colliding with us. I could hear an alarm go off from the building, echoing off into the distance. I kept running, keeping up with Frank as we reached the gates. Frank leapt up and over the fence, and I did the same, kicking off the attendee as he tried grabbing my feet. I kicked him in the face, sending him down to the ground as I climbed over the fence with Frank. I landed roughly on the ground, my heart still racing and my lungs gasping for air. We continued to run away from the institution we just managed to escape. It all seemed like an eerie dream. We actually just escaped Monroeville...and it was, for the most part, a piece of fucking cake, thanks to Nick and Max.  
“We...we did it!” Frank yelled, trying to catch his breath as we both slowed down as Monroeville vanished from our sight more and more, the two of us walking further and further away from the hospital. “We fucking did it, Gerard! We’re free!”  
“Yeah...we are,” I sighed, wiping the sweat off my forehead, my throat and chest aching from all the running I just did. I can’t even remember the last time I ran…  
“We are now one step closer to finding daddy!He’s talking to me right now through the chip in my head. He’s saying congratulations for getting out!” Frank said, genuine joy in his voice. I just smiled briefly, going along with Frank’s deliriousness.  
“Yeah, we did…,” I said. I looked around me, seeing nothing but the barren road ahead of us. We were out in the middle of nowhere. Literally. Nothing in sight. No buildings, or other cars, or even any trucks. The question now is this--where do we go next? We have no money, and no place to go. How were we expected to survive on our own? I should have thought about this before I decided to escape with Frank. Oh my god...was this a mistake? I’m starting to think it was…  
“We gotta get far from here. We gotta hitch-hike,” Frank said, stopping. He held out his hand, this thumb up as he saw some cars pass by. I looked at Frank like he just stripped down naked in front of a crowd. Does he not know the dangers of hitch-hiking? What if we end up hitch-hiking with a psychopath that tries to murder us, or do god knows what else?  
“Frank...are you sure that’s a good idea?” I asked skeptically. Never did I think that I would feel more safe and secure in an institution. Staying there suddenly sounded like a much better idea than escaping that said institution and hitch-hiking. It’s too late now, though; we were actually trying to hitch a ride from strangers that could potentially kill us.  
“Yes, Gee. I’m positive. Done it plenty of times before,” Frank said confidently, still holding out his thumb. We stayed silent as we waited for cars passing by to stop and pick us up. Then, after what seemed like a while, Frank turned to me. “Gerard...can I tell you something?”  
“What?” I asked.  
“I...I love you, Gerard Way,” Frank replied. At that moment, I felt the world around me be put on pause. Frank just said he loves me. My chest constricted and the butterflies in my stomach fluttered like crazy. I felt so numb to the point where I couldn’t feel anything around me. I didn’t know what this feeling was, but whatever it was, I knew one thing--it was love.  
“I love you too, Frank Iero,”  
“Good,” Frank chuckled a little. At that moment, a pickup truck stopped by us when Frank held up his hand. The window rolled down, and a man long black hair, a mass of piercings and tattoos, and dark gothic style makeup peeked out of it.  
“Need a ride?” the man asked.  
“Yeah, can you help us out?” Frank responded.  
“Of course. Get in,”  
Me and Frank did so, getting in the back seat of the tattooed man’s pickup. We buckled in, and the man took off. After a few seconds of silence, he turned to us, his made-up eyes scanning us up and down.  
“Where you guys headed off to?” he asked.  
“Umm...New York City,” Frank said right off the bat. “Are we close enough for you?”  
“Yeah, that’s fine. I’m actually headed there myself. I’m Chris, by the way. Chris Cerulli. And you guys?”  
“I’m Frank Iero, and this guy is my buddy, Gerard Way,” Frank said, introducing ourselves.  
“Nice to meet you guys. It’s a pleasure,” Chris said, tuning the radio to a heavy metal station. “Hope you guys don’t mind Bleeding Through,”  
“Not at all,” Frank said, leaning on my shoulder as the heavy guitars and screaming vocals blared throughout the truck. He sighed, closing his eyes as his head laid on me. Maybe I shouldn’t be so worried. Maybe Chris is genuinely a guy that wants to help us out. I just hope I’m right. I leaned onto Frank, feeling so warm next to him. I love this boy with all my heart, no matter how delirious he is.


	12. Eleven

After riding with Chris for about an hour, Frank told him to stop and drop us off once we arrived into the heart of New York City. Chris pulled over and let us out.  
“Sorry I’m broke. I would lend you a few bucks,” Frank said, talking to Chris through the rolled down window of Chris’s pickup.  
“It’s all good. Just happy to help out,” Chris replied. “Stay safe, you guys. Downtown New York can be unpredictable,”  
“We will. Thanks,” Frank said before Chris drove away. Frank waved bye to him, then turned to me. “I’m hungry. We’re gonna have to look through the trash to see what we can get our hands on,”  
“Oh...okay,” I said, nearly puking at the thought of having to dig through garbage to find food. I’ll pass. Frank found a trash can and started to dig through it, pulling out a half-eaten hot dog and taking a bite. I cringed.  
“You want anything? I’ll go digging for you,” Frank said, speaking with a mouthful of hot dog in his mouth. I shook my head.  
“No, thanks,” I said.  
“You sure?” Frank asked.  
“I’m positive,”  
“Okay,”  
Together, me and Frank walked down the sidewalk, the spring breeze hitting our faces. I still can barely believe that we’re not in Monroeville anymore. No more therapy sessions. No more Nick and Max and everyone else at Monroeville. No more questionable meals. And, thankfully, no more being thrown into padded rooms. It still felt like a surreal dream that I can’t wake up from. At any moment, I could wake up and be back in my bed at Monroeville. Frank and I are now together though, and we can’t be separated. It’s just the two of us, like two peas in a pod. Nobody can separate us.

_ _ _  
As we continued to walk down the street, we watched as the sun set until the sky was dark and starry. We retired to sleeping in an alley. We found some newspapers to use as blankets and cardboard boxes as shelter. No matter how shoddy the conditions were for us, I was willing to stay with Frank. Like I said before, nothing could separate us. After setting up our boxed fort, I laid down next to Frank, gazing up at the night sky.  
“Isn’t this great, Gee? We’re finally free!” Frank said, genuine glee in his voice. I nodded, smiling a bit.  
“Yes. You and me, baby,” I replied. To my surprise, I suddenly felt an arm wrap around me behind my neck and over my shoulder. I snuggled up next to Frank, my body fighting for warmth against the spring cold. I then closed my eyes, trying to fall asleep.  
“Gee...I don’t think I can sleep,” Frank said suddenly, sitting up.  
“Why not?” I asked.  
“Something’s on my mind,”  
“What’s that?”  
Frank didn’t reply. He just stared off into the distance, his face void of any emotion. He looked deep in thought.  
“There’s something I wanna do,” he finally said.  
“What?”  
Silence again.  
“You know what? Forget it,” Frank said, lying back down. I must say, I am really damn curious. I need to know what’s on Frank’s mind.  
“No, what is it?” I asked.  
“Just forget it, Gee,” Frank sighed.  
“No, I wanna know what it is,”  
“Why?”  
“Because...because I just do,” I said. “Come on, Frankie. Tell me what’s on your mind,”  
“I’m scared that you’ll judge me or look at my weird though,” Frank replied.  
“I won’t. I swear,” I pleaded.  
“Are you sure?”  
“Yes, I’m positive,”  
“Okay then…,” Frank said, licking his lips. “You sure you’re ready to hear what I have to say?”  
“Yes!” I exclaimed. Frank didn’t reply right away. There was a long gap of silence in between the two of us. It was killing me. I needed to know, damn it!  
“Gerard, have you ever had sex with someone?” Frank asked. That was when I felt my stomach drop. I totally didn’t expect Frank to ask me that. I can easily say that I didn’t expect what Frank said. I have had sex before when I was with Lindsey, but that’s it. I’ve never had sex with a man.  
“Uh, yeah. My ex girlfriend,” I said shakily.  
“Have you ever had it with a man?”  
“No,”  
“Oh. I see. I’ve never had sex with anyone,” Frank said, looking down at the ground. He then looked back up at me after staying quiet for a while. “Will you have sex with me, Gerard?”  
My jaw dropped to the ground. Frank wants to have sex with me? I can barely believe it. I haven’t had any thoughts of doing something so intimate with Frank. Has Frank been having thoughts of having sex with me? He must’ve, knowing he just asked me to have sex with him. I didn’t know what to think. I don’t wanna say no and hurt his feelings, but I don’t know if I can say yes. What if I end up hurting Frank? What if I end up not being good enough for him? So many questions flooded my head so much that it became overwhelming. I must say though...I wouldn’t mind having sex with him. I just hope if I’ll be good enough for him…  
“You want me to have sex with you?” I asked.  
“Yes, Gee. I’ve always wanted to experience it,” Frank said. “Specifically, I want you to blow me. I also wanna get fucked,”  
“Oh...okay, but…,” I replied shakily. “I’m just worried that I won’t be good enough for you,”  
“Of course you’ll be good enough for me. You just said you’ve had experience with your ex girlfriend. You’re just being silly,” Frank laughed.  
“That’s different. I’ve never had sex with a man,”  
“That can change...that is, if you wanna do it with me,”  
Do I really wanna have sex with Frank? I do have intimate feelings towards him, but sex? I don’t know if we’re ready to take our relationship that far. It all seems like too much. I don’t wanna disappoint Frank though. He sounds like he really wants to experience it for the first time. But am I ready for that?  
You know what? Fuck it. Yes I am.  
“Alright,” I said. “I’ll do it with you,”  
“Cool,” Frank said, pulling down his pants. As he did, I suddenly grabbed him and pulled him in for a kiss. I think I caught Frank off guard, seeing him jump a little bit as our lips collided. Frank moaned, his voice muffled under my lips that kissed his over and over again. I reached down into Frank’s underwear and felt his bulge over the fabric. I gave it a good squeeze, making Frank moan louder. I then fished my hand under Frank’s underpants and wrapped my hand around his hardening cock, pulling it out. I began to stroke it as we continued to kiss. I started out slow, rubbing my thumb against the tip of Frank’s dick. I gradually went faster, then parted myself from Frank’s lips and went down to his wang, opening my mouth and wrapping my lips around it, sucking nice and slow. That made Frank moan even louder, his hand grabbing my hair and pulling it as I sucked his dick. I tasted the pre-cum that came outta Frank’s dick and made sure to keep my mouth wide open so my teeth won’t scratch Frank too much. I sucked deeper, trying to shove as much of Frank’s dick I could into my mouth. Fuck, he’s so hard…  
“Oh, fuck!” Frank yelled, grabbing my hair harder and shoving my head further into his crotch. “Keep going, baby!”  
I didn’t respond. There’s no way I can talk with a dick in my mouth. I kept sucking, lodging Frank’s dick deep down my throat, trying not to gag.  
“Oh my god, Gerard...I’m gonna cum!” Frank moaned. I stroked and sucked faster, waiting for Frank to let it all out. He sighed deeply as he ejaculated, the salty cum landing on my tongue. I swallowed the jizz as I separated myself from Frank, looking back up at him.  
“Oh fuck, Gee...that was amazing. I’ve never been sucked before,” Frank said, wiping the sweat off his forehead.  
“Well, you have now,” I laughed. I studied the look on Frank’s face. He didn’t look content. Something was on his mind. “Frank, what’s wrong?”  
“Nothing. Why?” Frank asked.  
“It doesn’t look like nothing’s wrong. Come on, tell me what you’re thinking about,” I said.  
“Well...it’s kinda complicated to say…,”  
“Just say it,”  
“You promise you won’t be mad at me if I say this?” Frank said, looking at me quizzically.  
“Cross my heart and hope to die,” I smiled.  
“Okay, well…,” Frank started. “I...I wanna know what it’s like to get fucked in the ass,”  
I should have been prepared for Frank to say that. He wants me to literally fuck him. I am speechless. What did I expect Frank to say though? I’ve never fucked someone in the ass. I’ve only had sex with one girl, and even there it’s a different way to fuck. What will it feel like fucking Frank? WillI be good enough for him? What if I’m not? I stood there like an idiot, unsure of what to say to Frank.  
“Frank...I…,” I stuttered. Fuck, I can’t talk.  
“It’s okay if you don’t wanna do it. I understand,” Frank said.  
“No, it’s not that I don’t wanna do it...it’s just that I’m afraid I won’t be good enough for you,”  
“Gerard, you’re being silly. You’re always good enough for me,”  
“I’ve never fucked anyone in the ass before. I don’t know if I’ll be able to pull it off,” I sighed. “I’ve only had sex a handful of times, and that was with a girl,”  
“Well, she’s lucky,” Frank smirked. “I don’t have any experience getting fucked in the ass. I’m sure you’re not that bad,”  
“Are you sure? Are you really, really sure you want me to do this to you?”  
“I’m positive. I want it. I want to feel you inside of me. I want to know what it’s like. I wanna experience it with you,” Frank smiled, kissing me on the cheek. “I wanna do it with you, baby,”  
“Oh...okay, then,” I said reluctantly. Frank immediately stripped down bare-assed, and I followed suit. I prompted Frank to get on his hands and knees, and as he did so, we kissed each other, moaning under our breaths. Frank’s face trailed down mine and his lips landed on my neck, biting it harshly as he kissed it too. When he parted from my neck, we looked deep into each other’s eyes, smiling.  
“Are you ready for this?” I asked. Frank nodded.  
“Yes, baby. I am,”  
“Okay,”  
Frank turned around so his back was facing me, and knelt down into position. I licked my finger and put it in Frank’s entrance, making him moan. After a little while, I put two in, making Frank moan even louder. I then thrusted my groin against Frank’s bottom as I took my fingers out. I began to insert myself inside Frank, and thrusted back and forth slowly.  
“Oh, fuck!” Frank yelled. “Oh my god, yes! Pull my hair, Gee!”  
I nodded, grabbing a handful of Frank’s long dark hair and and bunched it up in my fist. I thrusted my cock deeper into Frank, making him moan even louder. I went in deeper and deeper until I hit Frank’s prostate, hitting it again and again and making him moan and cry louder.  
“Oh...oh...oh, my god! Oh, fuck me!” Frank hollered. “Keep going!”  
I did just that, continuing to hit Frank’s prostate. I felt the sweat run down my back, my body warm against Frank’s. I suddenly felt myself on a climax. I knew at that moment what was gonna happen--I was gonna come.  
“Frank, I’m gonna--ohh,” I sighed as I ejaculated inside Frank. I then let myself out, panting heavily. I looked over at Frank, who looked equally as exhausted as I did.  
“Fuck, Gee,” Frank huffed. “That was...incredible,”  
“It sure was. How did I do?” I asked.  
“You did fantastic,”  
“I did? You think so?”  
“Yes, Gee,” Frank smiled, putting his clothes back on. I did the same, slipping on my underwear, then my jeans and t-shirt.  
“Fuck, that wore me out,” Frank yawned. He laid down on our bed of newspapers, grabbing some to cover himself up with. I cuddled up next to him, wrapping my arms around him.  
“You’re warm,” I said, kissing Frank on the cheek.  
“So are you, Gee,” Frank smiled, returning the favor and kissing me on my cheek. “Tomorrow, we will head out and find daddy. He told me where he’ll be at,”  
“Oh? Where’s that?” I asked, feeling my heart sink. Here we go again with Frank’s delusions. I just realized that since we escaped, Frank is without his medication, which can only mean one thing--his delusions and hallucinations will grow worse. How could I have been stupid to let all this happen? Escaping was a mistake, but if we didn’t do that, Frank would have been transferred to somewhere else, and I’d never get to see him again. I love him too much to let him go like that, but I don’t know if I can handle Frank in the midst of a psychotic episode.  
“At the West Hudson park. Daddy used to take me there when I was little. It’s right near where I grew up, and I know how to get there from here. We’re not too far,” Frank said. “We’ll leave tomorrow morning. I’ll wake you up,”  
“Okay,” I said, snuggling up with Frank under the newspapers. As I was ready to shut my eyes and call it a night, Frank’s head suddenly shot up. He gasped in horror.  
“Oh my god!” he screamed. “What the fuck?!”  
“What’s wrong?” I asked.  
“Look! Spiders!” Frank screamed. “Get them away from me!”  
I looked at Frank, completely perplexed. It was then when I noticed what was taking place--Frank was hallucinating. I held on to Frank, rocking him back and forth as he panicked.  
“No, Frank. There’s no spiders. You’re seeing things,” I said.  
“Get them away from me! Let me go, Gerard!” Frank screamed, utter fear laced in his voice.  
“No, Frank! They’re not real. Fight it, Frankie!” I yelled. Frank squirmed and kicked in my hold, but I continued to hold him in my arms as strong as I could. Frank began to cry, burying his head into my neck. I just kept rocking him back and forth, like a mother soothing her upset baby.  
“It’s okay, Frankie. They’re not real. I got you,” I whispered. Soon enough, Frank stopped struggling in my hold.  
“Oh...they’re gone…,” Frank said. “The spiders are gone…,”  
“I told you they’re not real,” I replied. “It’s okay, Frankie. I got you,”  
“They...they disappeared,” Frank whispered, perplexed.  
“It’s okay. We’re safe. Let’s just go to sleep, okay?” I asked, snuggling with Frank. “Just close your eyes, Frankie,”  
I watched as Frank gradually calmed down, despite him still going on about how the spiders were not there. Soon enough, I heard him snoring lightly. I shut my eyes, willing myself to fall asleep with Frank.


	13. Twelve

“Wake up, Gee,” Frank whispered, shaking me. Ugh. Do I have to get up now? I’m so tired…  
I sat up and rubbed by eyes, then stretched as I stood up. The scent of food hit my nose, making my mouth water. I must admit that I was hungry.  
“Here, Gee. I convinced someone to buy us food while you were asleep,” Frank said, handing me what looked to be a sandwich. I took off the paper wrapping and noticed that it is indeed a sandwich; it’s a bagel one with bacon, egg, and cheese. I took a bite, the food savory to my taste buds. I must admit it is pretty good, despite probably being high in fat. I’ll just eat half and give the rest to Frank.  
“Thanks,” I said.  
“You’re welcome,” Frank replied, taking a bite of his sandwich. “When we finish eating, we’ll head out. Sound like a plan?”  
“Yeah, I guess so…,” I said, sighing deep down. I still think that escaping with Frank was a mistake. Not only am I stuck with someone that’s not all right in the head, but we have no place to sleep and barely anything to eat; we got lucky this time with the breakfast sandwiches. Staying in Monroeville all of a sudden seemed like the better option. At least there we had a place to sleep and were checked on so nothing bad happened. Here, we have nothing. But I couldn’t afford to lose Frank. Someone has got to be there to protect him, and he would not get that if he were to be transfered. That person is me.  
We soon finished up our sandwiches and headed out of the alley we stayed in overnight. We began to walk down the street, unfamiliar faces passing us by. Frank looked so animated as he walked; he was that excited to see his daddy.  
“This is gonna be great! My dad says that when we find him, we will go back to stay at his house. We’ll watch movies and eat junk food and stay up all night! It’ll be so much better than staying in Monroeville. Right, Gee?”  
“Yeah...sure,” I said, going along with Frank’s false fantasy. I know I had to tell Frank the truth sooner or later, even though it would break his heart. I’ve come to the realization that we shouldn’t have escaped. This was a bad idea. We have barely any food, no shelter, and so on. What if something bad happens to us, like get murdered? Chris was right; the streets of NYC are unpredictable.  
“You alright, Gee?” Frank asked in a concerned tone, looking at me worriedly.  
“Yeah,” I said, lying. “I’m fine,”  
“You don’t seem like it. Come on, tell me what’s on your mind,” Frank replied. I sighed deeply, deciding to tell half the truth of how I feel.  
“Don’t you think that maybe escaping was a bad idea?” I asked. “I mean, we are stuck in the middle of New York City with no food, no shelter, and we’re putting ourselves at risk of something happening to us--”  
“Gerard, we’ll be fine!” Frank whined. “We’ve got this. My dad says that when we get to him, he will take us in, and we will have a place to stay. I swear we will be fine!”  
I didn’t know what to say. I just can’t say the truth about Frank’s dad. It would break his heart. But then again, I do know for a fact that Frank’s dad is not waiting for us. He’s not even alive anymore. Sooner or later I gotta tell Frank the truth, now that I know for a fact that this whole thing was a bad idea.  
“Okay…,” I said, nodding my head. We continued to walk down the street in silence, not making eye contact with each other. We passed by a series of stores and restaurants, but I stopped when I came across a store that has a bunch of tvs in the display window. Frank stopped with me to look at the televisions that showed some commercial for some brand of shampoo. When the commercial ended, it went to a news station...and that was when I felt my heart stop. Our faces were on the screen, with a caption under us reading “Two patients escape from New Jersey mental hospital”. I seriously wish we’re dreaming…  
“Two male patients, twenty-three year old Gerard Way and nineteen year old Frank Iero, have recently escaped from Monroeville Psychiatric Hospital,” said the reporter lady, a young woman with long blonde hair. “It was yesterday when the two patients escaped. The attendees here say that Frank and Gerard escaped through the main doors while a conflict with two other patients was taking place. Here are pictures of the escapees,”  
The news channel cut back to the pictures of me and Frank, the mere sight of our faces making my stomach churn.  
“If you see either of these people or know about their whereabouts, contact the authorities. This is Stacey Larson with NYCS news,” the lady spoke. The news channel then cut to another report about some murder that took place. I turned over to Frank, shock clear as day on my face.  
“Oh...my...god…,” I said. “The whole world knows we’re missing,”  
“Well, don’t just stand there! We gotta get going! We need to get to my dad before someone finds us!”  
“Okay,” I said, continuing to walk. If only Frank knew the truth about his dad. I really wish I could tell him. Frank speaking about his dad is really starting to get annoying…  
“Let’s put our hoods up so no one can see us,” Frank said.  
“Good idea,” I replied, doing just what Frank suggested. We continued to walk down the street in silence, our hoods up and hiding our faces. As we walked down the street, I began to think of what we did yesterday. I’m questioning whether or not it was worth it for us to escape. If we never did this, Frank would have been sent to another institution, and I won’t be able to ever see him again. I keep telling myself that he needs me to protect him, but the people at the hospital can do that too, can’t they? That’s their job. But can they protect him from people like Bob and Jimmy, knowing how vulnerable Frank is? The more I asked myself these questions, the more I overwhelmed myself. Another thing I should have thought about before escaping with Frank is the fact that we are chasing after a delusion. Frank wants to find his late dad that was abusive son of a bitch. What’s gonna happen when he learns that his dad is never coming for us? Poor Frank will be heartbroken. God knows what Frank will do when that happens. I should have thought of all of this before leaving Monroeville with him. It’s too late now, though. We gotta suffer the consequences now.

_ _ _  
We’ve walked for a long time. It had to be a good two hours we walked without taking any breaks. We finally stopped when we got to West Hudson park, Frank dashing ahead of me.  
“Look! We’re finally here!” Frank exclaimed, pointing to a sign that read West Hudson park on it. I walked up to Frank, who looked in all directions for his dad. I just stood there and waited for the harsh but true reality to hit Frank that his dad was not really there to pick us up and take us to his house. A worried look flashed onto Frank’s face.  
“Maybe he’s running late, Gee. Yeah, that’s gotta be it…,” he said. At that moment, I nearly felt myself snap. We were not going to wait for Frank’s dad to show up; he’s dead and was an abusive piece of shit to his own son! I can’t take this much longer. Frank needs to know the truth. I don’t care if it makes him upset. We need to fix what we’ve done. We need to turn ourselves in. I’ve realized that I can’t take care of Frank myself. The people at the hospital can. We need to undo what we’ve done.  
“Frank...you need to know the truth,” I said. “Your dad is not coming for us,”  
“But he is! We just need to wait a little longer! It’s okay if he’s late--”  
“No,” I interrupted. “You don’t understand. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again--your dad is not coming for us! He’s dead! That supposed chip you have in your head that lets you talk to your dad? It’s a delusion. You’re hearing voices in your head. It’s all a hallucination. You’re sick, Frank. You need help!“  
The look on Frank’s face was absolutely heartbreaking for me to see. It’s like his whole world around him was crumbling to the ground. His eyes were forlorn and full of discontent. His mouth hung open in shock. I just shattered all of this kid’s dreams.  
“B-but Gerard...my daddy said he would be here…,” he muttered, his voice quivering. “He told me that...he would pick us up, so that we were no longer in Monroeville. He said he would help us…,”  
“I know you wanna see your dad, Frank. I really do,” I said. “But your dad was not the person you think he is. He abused you and your mom. He beat you so bad he put you in a coma. He could have killed you, Frank. He died of alcohol poisoning. Your mom was right about him. He was the cheater. He was unfaithful to your mom. I know it really hurts to hear the truth, but you have to, Frank….You need help. We need to turn ourselves in,”  
I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I felt horrible for all I just told Frank. It was necessary, though. I had to say it all. Frank stood there, staring down at the ground with his eyes brimming with tears and his mouth agape. I put my hand on Frank’s shoulder.  
“Come on, Frankie. Let’s go,” I said. Frank didn’t reply. “Frank, come on--”  
“No!” Frank hissed. He turned to me, his eyes full of resentment. “You were supposed to help me! You were supposed to help me find daddy!”  
“Frank, he’s dead!” I said defensively, exasperated. “We have got to turn ourselves in. This was a mistake!”  
“You lied to me!” Frank screamed, giving me a hard push that nearly sending me to the floor. “You were supposed to help me!”  
I knew what was happening now. Frank was furious. I have betrayed him. Whatever kind of bond we had was now gone. I should have known how hard it was going to be to tell the truth to Frank. I knew it would upset him, but I should have known that it would hurt this much to see him like this. He fucking hates me.  
“You son of a bitch! I’m gonna kill you!” Frank screamed, swinging his fists at me. My body went into panic mode, backing away and covering myself from Frank’s fists. His face was full of a rage he could not contain. It hurt so much to see it.  
“Frank, stop!” I yelled, defending myself. Frank hit me right in the gut, sending me to the floor. He began to kick my helpless body, hitting my head over and over again. I tried in vain to back away from Frank, only to have him hit me some more. He grabbed a handful of my hair and punched me right in the face over and over again. It wasn’t long before I felt light-headed, my vision blurring. I could feel blood running from my nose and my face throb. I’m pretty sure I have a concussion, knowing how much Frank hit me in the head. I guess this is how it felt to be beat up by someone you love. It hurt like a son of a bitch. The worst part was that I couldn’t fight back; not because I was too weak, but I refused to hurt someone that meant so much to me. I felt myself slip further and further into unconsciousness, my whole world around me going gray as Frank hit me again and again. I suddenly heard people approach us, their feet stomping on the ground I laid on.  
“Hands up! Get down on the ground!” one of the people yelled. I felt him take Frank off me. Frank screamed and cussed at whoever was trying to pursue him. I think I know who these people were, telling Frank to stop resisting. It was the police. They had found us.  
“Can you hear me?” one of them asked me, crouching over my weak body. I could barely see him. He was a blur. “If you can hear me, tell me how many fingers I’m holding up,” he said, holding up his arm. I couldn’t make out how many fingers he was holding up. My best guess was three.  
“Three,” I said shakily. The officer didn’t respond. He spoke something I couldn’t make out into a walkie talkie.  
“Stay here,” he said to me.  
“Frankie…,” I called out, my damaged body longing for Frank’s presence. I wish he wasn’t mad at me. I wish he didn’t hate me for telling him the truth. I needed him with me. I loved him. I could still hear him screaming as the officers tried to contain him. I felt my eyes grow heavy, my mind slipping into a darkness I could not escape.

_ _ _  
I opened my eyes, only to have them blinded by a strong light above me. I felt my face throb with a numbing pain. I also quickly noticed that I couldn’t move my arms. It feels like they’re held down. When my vision adjusted, my eyes widened in horror--I am handcuffed to a hospital bed. I am in a fucking hospital! I remember everything leading up to this moment. I remember telling Frank that he’s sick when we were in the park. I remember telling him he’s suffering from delusions and hallucinations. I remember him beating me up to a bloody pulp. I need to find him. I need to tell him I’m sorry. I need to tell him that I regret doing what I did, because it’s true. It broke my heart to see Frank the way he was. I need to tell him that I love him. I need to protect him...  
I looked over and noticed that Dr. Haycraft was sitting in a plastic chair near my bed. Outside the sliding door there was a tall, built man standing in front of the door. He turned around and opened up the door, whispering something to Dr. Haycraft. He nodded, briefly looking over to me and going back to standing in front of the door.  
“Where’s Frank?” I asked Dr. Haycraft, demanding answers. She didn’t look like she was willing to cooperate with me, her eyes fixed on her smartphone.  
“Don’t worry about him, Gerard,” she said, sounding unpleased.  
“No, tell me! I need to see him!” I said, raising my voice. “Please let me see him!”  
“I’m afraid I can’t do that,”  
“Why?!”  
“Because you’re being transferred. Besides, do you think I’d let you free, knowing what you’ve done?” Dr. Haycraft asked, making eye contact with me.  
What?! Are you fucking kidding me? Transferred? To where?  
“Where?!” I barked.  
“White Oaks. They’ll keep you safe there so you won’t escape again,” Dr. Haycraft said, looking back at her phone, her fingers typing away at the screen.  
“No! I can’t be transferred!” I hollered, struggling in vain with my restrained arms. “I need to be with Frank! Someone needs to be there to protect him!”  
“The staff at the place Frank is going to can do that. Your help is not needed,”  
“Yes it is! I need to keep him safe from people like Bob and Jimmy! You gotta let me see him--”  
“No, Gerard,” Dr. Haycraft said, cutting me off. “It’s not your job to protect someone else. You need to focus on yourself. You can’t focus on helping someone else. Frank needs serious help. You gotta let him go, Gerard. Please,”  
“But...I...I…,” I stuttered, at a loss of words. What was I supposed to say? What if, as much as I hated to admit it, she was right…?  
No. She’s wrong. It’s my duty to protect Frank. I told myself I would keep him safe. I need her to get me out of this damn hospital bed and let me see Frank, wherever he may be. Before I could beg Dr. Haycraft to undo me from the handcuffs, two EMTs came in with a stretcher.  
“Is this him?” one of them asked Dr. Haycraft. She nodded her head and stood up.  
“Gerard, I bid you farewell. Please, heed my words and get help. It’s for your own good,”  
“You’re not taking me anywhere,” I said, ignoring Dr. Haycraft. She walked out of the room, leaving me with the EMTs.  
“Gerard, you gotta cooperate with us. We’re here to take you to White Oaks,” one of them spoke. I shook my head violently.  
“No, you’re not. I want to see Frank,”  
“I’m afraid we can’t let you do that. You need to come with us,” the other EMT said, looking like his patience with me was dwindling away. Maybe I truly was screwed. What if Frank isn’t even in the hospital? What if he already was taken somewhere else, like another institution? Maybe I was never gonna be able to see him again. Maybe he’s gone. I’ll never be able to apologize to him. I’ll never be able to tell him I love him. I looked down, tears starting to leak from my eyes. I tried holding them back, but it was no use.  
“Fine,” I said flatly, letting the EMTs undo me from the bed and transfer me to the stretcher. As I got onto it, I broke down, my crying turning to uncontrollable sobs. I let the EMTs strap me down to the stretcher and wheel me out of the room, taking me to the ambulance outside. I so badly wanna disappear. Frank is gone forever.  
I’m sorry, Frank. I love you.


	14. Epilogue

Two months later

I want to take back every bad thing I have said about Monroeville. White Oaks makes Monroeville look like a Hawaiian vacation. I fucking hate this place and I wish that I simply could have been taken back to Monroeville. I can literally go on for hours talking about how much I hate this damn place.  
The first thing I hate about White Oaks is the fact that they don’t allow you to wear your clothes. They make you wear these white scrubs instead that are way too itchy. You apparently have to earn your right to wear your clothes, but I don’t know how you have to go about doing that. Another thing I hate about this place is that you’re not allowed to be in your room as much as you want. You have to stay out of your room when you wake up. It’s not like in Monroeville, where you can spend the whole day in your room if you wanted to. They literally force you to stay out, and that’s bullshit. You also have to share showers with everyone else here. We don’t have showers in our bathrooms in our bedrooms. The only things in the bedroom bathrooms are a toilet and a sink. Do the people that work here not know how disgusting it is to have to share showers with god knows how many other people in this godforsaken place?  
I could honestly go on and on about the things I hate at White Oaks, but I can’t. The attendees here expect me to get outta my room, as much as I don’t want to. I stood in the bathroom, staring at my ugly, fat reflection in the mirror. I swear I’ve gained weight. I let myself go too much. I also hate how I have a black eye and a few bruises on my face from Frank beating me up, even though I deserved them. I just hate myself period. Without Frank, I am nothing. The one person that completes me is gone…  
“Gerard, you gotta come out,” said Trevor, the attendee waiting outside my bedroom. I sighed deeply and walked outta the bathroom and out of the door of my room. Fuck the attendees that work here. Fuck them all to hell. Trevor smiled a smile that I swear is as fake as a famous female celebrity’s tits. “Thank you, Gerard,”  
Yeah, sure...you’re welcome, fuckface.  
I walked down the hall and turned the corner to the cafeteria, where I grabbed a tray to fill it up with food I won’t eat. As much as I don’t wanna eat, you have to get yourself a tray, otherwise the people that work here will come find you and make you get one. If you keep refusing, you get the tube. A fellow patient already warned me about that, so I took his advice with a grain of salt. Maybe I’ll eat a few bites of food. I need to put something in it to shut up my growling stomach. Today for breakfast it’s a cheese omelette, hash browns, and bacon. The bacon I’m staying away from for sure; too fattening. Maybe I’ll eat a little bit of the hash browns. I’m not so sure about the eggs here. The ones at Monroeville were awful, so I can only imagine how bad they are here. After getting my food, I sat down at a table and stared down at it. Before I could grab my fork, I felt someone grab a handful of my hair and slam my face down into my food. With food particles in my hair, I turned to look who did it--it was Kyle, a patient that’s bullied me since I first got here. He smiled a shit-eating grin.  
“Faggot,” he sneered. Already losing my patience, I stood up and lunged myself towards Kyle, swinging my fist at him as I grabbed a fistful of his shirt.  
“I’ll fucking kill you!” I growled. “I’ll rip your fucking balls off and wear them as badges of honor!”  
“Hey!” yelled Mitch, one of the attendees that rushed over to me and Kyle, separating me from Kyle as another attendee pulled him away. “Take it easy, guys,”  
“Fuck you!” I yelled at Kyle, Mitch dragging me to the far end of the room. I gave Kyle the finger.  
“Relax, Gerard,” Mitch said firmly. I just shook my head and walked outta the cafeteria, pulling the particles of food outta my hair. Now I really don’t feel like eating. I don’t care if I get the tube at this point. I walked into the day room and sat down on one of the couches and mindlessly stared at the tv, not at all caring what’s on. It’s some game show. It cut to a commercial break, advertising some brand of beer. I really wish I could drink one right now. In fact, I wish I could drink myself into a coma. I’m stuck in a stricter psychiatric hospital without Frank, the boy that lights up my whole world. Getting drunk would be great right now, if I had the ability to do so…  
An advertisement for Kingwood Psychiatric Hospital came on, going on about all the supposed good things about it, like how it’s the top hospital in the nation and other gloating stuff. Okay. Cool. What’s next?  
Wait a minute...Kingwood...that’s where Ray is at!  
That’s what I should do! I should call Ray. I still have the number that Nick gave me. Talking to Ray won’t accomplish much for me, but at least it’ll make time go by, plus I do genuinely wanna see how Ray’s doing. I really hope he’s gotten better…  
Wait...what if Frank’s there? What if Frank got transferred to Kingwood? It doesn’t hurt to ask. Maybe, if Frank is there, I can talk to him. I can tell him sorry for breaking his heart. I can also tell him that I love and miss him. I need to tell him all this. I quickly got up to my feet and snuck into my bedroom, finding the piece of paper with Kingwood’s number on it in a pile of papers I was given when I was sent here. I rushed over to one of the phones near the nurse’s station. I dialed the number and put the phone to my ear, hearing the phone’s ringing.  
“Come on, pick up the phone!” I whispered to myself, growing anxious with each ring. Finally, I heard a click, indicating someone picked up the phone.  
“Hello?” a distinct male voice spoke.  
“Ray? Is that you?” I asked desperately.  
“No, this is Kellin. You’re looking for Ray?” the voice questioned.  
“Yes, Kellin. Can you put Ray on?”  
“Hold on,”  
Silence. I shook where I stood, anxiously waiting for Kellin to fetch Ray for me. I genuinely hope Ray is okay. I also hope that Frank is at Kingwood. Oh please, let him be there! I soon heard someone pick up the phone and I felt my heart race.  
“Hello?” Ray said.  
“Ray, it’s me, Gerard,” I replied.  
“Gerard? What’s up?” Ray asked, sounding genuinely happy to hear from me.  
“A lot. I’m not in Monroeville anymore. I’m in a place called White Oaks,”  
“Really? How did you get the number for here?”  
“Nick Matthews gave it to me. Not sure if you know him. He was at Kingwood for a while,”  
“No, I don’t know him. I heard about what you and Frank did. I’m assuming that’s why you’re at this new place, right?”  
“Yeah, actually…,” I said, gulping as my lips came upon what to ask Ray. I feel so nervous asking him, but I gotta get it over with. If he’s there, I need to talk to him. I miss him dearly. “Ray, is Frank there?”  
Ray didn’t reply. I was met with silence, and it was killing me…  
Please say yes. I need to tell him a lot. Please, please be there…  
“Umm...he was here,” Ray finally replied, sounding on edge.  
Was? What does he mean was? Frank was at Kingwood and was taken somewhere else? It doesn’t make sense!  
“What do you mean was, Ray?” I asked, feeling my chest constrict.  
“Gerard...you’re not gonna like this…,” Ray sighed. “Are you sure you want me to tell you the truth?”  
“Yes! Tell me!” I nearly yelled, making the heads of some patients turn as they passed by me. “Tell me the truth!”  
“Okay…,” Ray sighed again. “Well, you see...Frank was at Kingwood for a while...but not anymore…,”  
“Why not?” I barked, my hand holding the phone shaking uncontrollably.  
“He...he’s dead. He overdosed on his pills. He would spit out the pills the nurses would give him and hide them til he had enough to overdose on,”  
I felt my heart explode. Frank was dead? No. This can’t be true. Ray’s lying! Frank can’t be dead! I need to apologize to him. I need to tell him that I love him. This can’t be happening.  
“You’re lying!” I shouted into the phone. “Tell me where Frank is!”  
“He’s dead, Gerard! Why the hell would I lie to you? I’m sorry, Gerard. He’s gone,” Ray said defensively. It was at that moment that I nearly dropped the phone out of my hand. Ray was right. He wouldn’t lie to me about Frank being fucking dead. Why would he? I felt my head go numb, becoming dizzy. I could barely stand on my two feet. Frank’s gone. The boy that made my life worth living is now gone forever. This hurt worse than losing Lindsey. I had no reason to live anymore…  
“Gerard?” Ray said, still sounding on edge. “Gerard, are you okay?”  
“I gotta go…,” I replied shakily, putting the phone back in it’s cradle. I felt myself collapse to the floor, crumbling to pieces. I put my shaking hands over my eyes, immediately feeling the sting of tears come to them as I wept uncontrollably. I screamed into my hands, not at all caring if anyone hears me.  
Oh my god...oh my fucking god….Frank’s gone! He’s dead! This can’t be happening to me!  
“No!” I screamed at the top of my lungs, the piercing sound echoing throughout the whole vicinity. A bunch of attendees came rushing towards me, wondering what the hell was happening now in this fucking shithole.  
“Gerard, are you okay?” one of them asked. I gave them all the dirtiest look I could pull off.  
“No! He’s...he’s dead!” I hissed, my voice choked back by tears.  
“Who?” the attendee questioned. “Who’s dead?”  
I didn’t respond. I just got up to my feet and rushed to my room. I don’t care if the attendees tell me to stay out of it. I’m fucking staying in here. I just wanna disappear. I landed on my bed and cried my eyes out into my pillow, screaming until my throat grew hoarse. I never thought I could scream and shake so much. I looked down at my arms that are laced with scars. I realized at that moment that I need to do something--something destructive towards myself. If I couldn’t save Frank, how could I save myself anyway? I need to let out this rage. I need to show the world how broken I am without Frank. The one thing that made me feel complete is gone forever. Cutting my arms isn’t gonna cut it for me. I need to destroy myself...but how? I need it to be fast. I can’t wait too long and do what Frank did to end his life. There’s gotta be a way…  
Wait. The rooftop. I can jump from the rooftop. But how was I gonna get up there? I know where the door to the stairs are, but it’s usually locked. Maybe, with some luck, I can get up there. I got up and rushed out of my room, down the hall, and around the corner to the door leading to the stairs…  
Yes! It’s unlocked!  
The biggest smile I’ve ever had came onto my face as I opened up the door. To whoever left it unlocked...thank you so much. Dumbass.  
“Gerard! Get back here!” Mitch yelled, rushing over to me. I jolted up the stairs and made it to the top, getting up there in seconds flat as a hoard of attendees ran after me. The rays of the sun hit my face when I opened the door to the rooftop. I can barely remember the last time I’ve been outside. It doesn’t matter now. It’ll be my last time outside. I ran to the edge of the building, looking down. It’s one hell of a fall--ten stories to be exact. Now all I have to do is jump…  
Hold on, Frank. I’m coming for you.  
“Gerard!” Mitch hollered, worry in his voice. “Gerard, get back here now! Step away from the edge!”  
“No!” I yelled, the tears still choking back my voice. “He’s gone! I just...I’ve lost every reason to live!”  
“Gerard...don’t do this,” Mitch said, stepping forward. “Suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems. Life is not worth throwing away,”  
Suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems? What kind of shit is that? Frank being dead is permanent. Nothing can bring him back. He’s gone. I’ve lost my will to live because of that. I looked down. It really is a long drop. What if I don’t succeed? What if I’m still alive after this? Then my life would really be unworthy of living. I’d be a broken mess…  
No. It’s a big enough drop. It should kill me, especially if I can get myself to land headfirst. Still, it is a big drop...a really, really big one…  
“Gerard,”  
Who was that?  
“Gerard, look at me,”  
I turned over to find...him, staring at me. He didn’t look happy at all. If anything, he looked scared for his life. He doesn’t realize how happy I was to see him.  
“Frankie…baby…,” I stuttered. “Where were you? I missed you so much…,”  
“Don’t jump, Gerard...just please, don’t do it!” Frank shouted, tears running from his eyes.  
“But...but why, Frank? I miss you. I want to be with you. You’re gone forever,”  
“Because...because I love you! I love you, Gerard!”  
At that moment, I felt my heart’s broken pieces come back together. My eyes grew wide, chills running down my spine. I suddenly found a reason to live. Frank wouldn’t want me to off myself. He would want me to keep going, despite how much goes wrong. If I killed myself, I would be doing a disservice to the one person I love. I had to keep going. I stepped off the edge, walking over to Frank and gave him the biggest hug I could ever give someone, his arms wrapping around my body. That’s when I let it all out, sobbing loudly into his shoulder.  
“It’s okay, Gee…,” Frank whispered. “I’m here, Gee. It’s alright,”  
“I love you too, Frank!” I screamed. I don’t want him to leave. I wanna stay with him until the end of time.  
“Come on, Gerard. Let’s get you outta here,” Mitch said, stepping towards me.  
“No,” I growled, glaring at Mitch. Frank frowned at me.  
“Gerard...go with him. I’ll always be here,” he said.  
“Are you...are you sure?” I asked.  
“Yes, Gee. I promise,” Frank smiled.  
“Okay…,” I said, smiling back. That’s when Frank grabbed my face and planted a kiss right on my lips. I smiled, and he smiled back.  
“See you later, Gee,” he said.  
“You too, Frank,” I said, walking over to Mitch. I waved goodbye at Frank, and he waved back as I walked with Mitch and the other attendees back inside.  
I’ll always love you, Frank Iero.


End file.
